Step up, grow up to atone for childish damage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/11/2022 (1411 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last weekend our folks were out of town, and my brother and I got into a physical fight that turned serious, with ugly, personal name-calling, one black eye, and cuts and bruises. Also, some expensive antique stuff got broken in the living room.

Now our parents are kicking us both out and we’re shocked! We are athletes and university students, in our early 20s. We used to play-fight a lot at home — mostly wrestling and trying to punch each other’s lights out. But, this was more serious.

“You guys can finally grow up!” is my mother’s line. “We’re actually doing you a favour by putting you out!” They’re not giving us start-up money either. Why? Because of the broken stuff, they say.

My brother and I are staying with some university friends, for the time being. Our parents say they’re not paying another dime for us. I don’t believe them, because they want us to be “successful” like they are. What now?

— In Trouble, East Kildonan

Dear Trouble: Your parents have finally realized they spoiled you “boys” while trying to help you be “successful” in an educated way, which is what they value. But the parental money train has stopped now.

That’s a good thing. You may need to take some time off school — a semester at least — to earn money and get set up in an apartment with food, utilities, transportation, clothes. Then there’s the cash you need to pay back your folks for the damages caused by your last fight.

Do not go whining back to them for forgiveness over this debt. Step up now! Yes, you may lose half a year or more of university, but you can make that up and regain some respect with your folks.

As for bashing each other around, you can do damage to one another. If you really need that combative feeling, get into boxing or wrestling with real instructors and protective equipment, once you find some extra money again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man needs kissing lessons and I don’t know how to approach him. The next date may be our last. He’s a great guy and I don’t want to lose him, but either his kissing technique changes or I’m outta here.

— Bad Kissing Experience, Garden City

Dear Kissing: Make this problem with technique seem to be about you, not him. Explain to him you can only get really turned on by a certain style of kissing. He’ll be curious, and ask you what that is. Then you say, “It’s hard to describe! Want me to teach you?”

It’s certainly worth a try, since you really like this guy. If you want to make this situation feel equal, tell him you’ll trade a “special kissing” lesson for a romantic move he can teach to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My recent ex-girlfriend is trying to come between me and any other girl by spreading lies. I heard one awful story just before classes finished last Friday — a total malicious lie. I was horrified and told my mom. She said adults sue each other for damages over verbal slights like that!

I phoned my ex and told her that, and she seemed kind of rattled. But then she used her nastiest voice and said, “So sue me!” and hung up. I sent her a text that said: “Good idea.” Now, what?

— Hurt, Angry and Embarrassed, Winnipeg

Dear Upset: You can fight back two ways immediately: Contact a few close friends in your school life, and say you’d appreciate it if they’d correct anybody who’s heard the malicious gossip your ex-girlfriend has been spreading.

You can also address the harm by talking to a school counsellor, who may want to talk with your ex, ASAP, and stop her from causing further damage in the school and elsewhere.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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