Take pride in a long lifetime of generosity

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This article was published 06/11/2022 (1410 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My competitive instincts were aroused by the letter from “Extremely Old Guy” on the subject of generous gift-giving to loved ones.

As you know, I was first to write, and I signed that first letter “Really Old Guy.” I will be 90 in a few weeks, in addition to being happily married for over 64 years. The other guy writing in was in his 80s with a wonderful marriage that has passed the 55-year mark.

I’ve always made a point of “gifting.” I don’t think age has much to do with how you treat people you care about, but if our generation can give good advice to younger ones, that’s all to the good.

If you decide to publish this, you might sign me off as “Older Than Extremely Old Guy” or perhaps “On Behalf of All Old Guys.”

— David Brodovsky, Manitoba

Dear David: You win this discussion, so let’s give you your due with your actual name! You’re definitely the oldest sweetheart to write in about gift-giving — nine decades of doing it joyfully! It’s great to hear from people who are proud of their age, love their partner and enjoy giving gifts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I drive an old, scratched-up beater. Good thing, because the young woman who recently started parking in the old garage across the back lane from me has hit and scratched my bumper several times already. To be fair, the lane is very narrow, with lots of garbage cans and other cars parked along it.

I know she does it, because I see her when I’m eating breakfast at 8:15. Then, she gets out and quickly goes around to see if she’s majorly damaged anything. Nope? She jumps back into her old car, and bombs down the back lane.

Why do I let her get away with it? Because she’s gorgeous and I have a sense of humour, and my old beater is only worth about $500 bucks. She’s in her 20s, like me.

My question? At what point do I tell her “Enough’s enough!” and ask her to go for coffee sometime?

— Wrecking My Dang Bumper, Weston

Dear Wrecking: Saunter out to greet her this week. Let her know you can see her when you’re eating your breakfast. Tell her (laughingly) she owes you a coffee for every time she’s dinged your bumper.

Even if she laughs that off, she may become a neighbourhood friend. And now that she’s been busted, it’s likely she’ll be more careful as she creeps out into the lane.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend won’t introduce me to her parents as her “boyfriend” because they want her to marry someone from their own cultural background. So, I’m just “the friend.”

We only see each other at university, and even then we have to be careful not to run into any conservative friends of hers who might disapprove, and then it’d get back to her folks. They are good people — don’t get me wrong. I’ve met her parents and siblings, and was introduced as her “friend from school.”

My parents, on the other hand, have met this woman as “my girlfriend,” and they totally like and accept her. They would be fine with me marrying a person from a different cultural background.

I fear my girlfriend isn’t strong enough to fight her family for me! She’s too afraid she may lose them. I do believe she loves me, but she’d be very depressed if she lost the approval of her parents. How long should we give it?

— All Messed Up Inside, South Winnipeg

Dear Messed Up: Success in many intercultural marriages depends on the combined backbone strength of the young couple.

It certainly can work if you and your girlfriend are deeply in love for a considerable amount of time, and show a united front to family and friends. But you must be strong enough to stop any rudeness being shown to you as a couple or individually.

It seems you may suspect your girlfriend may not be tough enough. That’s not a good sign. And how about you? Are you prepared to meet with disapproval from some members of her family?

It’s time to meet your girlfriend’s family honestly — as the new boyfriend — and see what happens. It may be good, or there may be too much parental disapproval for your girlfriend to deal with. It’s better to find out now, though it will hurt a lot.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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