Don’t keep marital stress bottled up any longer

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/11/2022 (1050 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR LONELYHEARTS: I’m married and we have a very small family. My husband is not sweet like others are — like kissing or hugging me before sleeping. As a wife, I’m longing for something a normal husband does, and that’s caring and loving.

Most of the time we have no bonding as a family, because he’s always on his phone — either reading, watching something or playing games. He’s addicted to his smartphone, but there’s no other girl involved, I’m very sure.

If a child disturbs him, he gets angry. We are the ones adjusting for him all the time. I don’t want to have a broken family, but I feel a heavy mood, and sometimes I feel depressed and very stressed, because of him.

It’s hard for me to open up to other people or friends, but the pain and tears inside me are overflowing. All I know how to do is cry in the corner, to release my emotions, but I’m tired of crying.

— Hidden Tears, Manitoba

Dear Hidden: Cold, angry treatment from the husband and father of a family, creates a nervous, fearful life for everyone concerned.

Money often means power and independence, and right now you have little of both. What you need is a paying job — even part-time — and perhaps working from home, if possible, so there’s loving child care (and protection). Your husband is not patient or engaged enough for this.

You also need to talk about your situation with a few close friends, and with your family, who will have your back and start watching out for you. Some of your darkness will ease if you finally trust them to know what’s going on.

Can you get your husband to go to marriage counselling? Or do you even want that? Perhaps you just need to move in with your family or a close friend now.

Judging by the cold way your husband has been behaving towards you, it might be he wants his solitary freedom back as well. You say you don’t think he’s talking to other women, but that’s easy to hide, especially if a person has a second phone and is out of the house a lot.

In the future, you could fall in love with a warm and affectionate new man. It would also be good for your kids to have a man in their life who is kind and loving.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband spends all his time in the garage working on his car — either by himself or with his automotive buddies. I feel totally ignored.

Imagine my delight when fall 2022 rolled around and it would be time for my guy to put his special new car away for the winter. But then I find him out there, starting to insulate the garage so he can keep working on it in the cold!

I have no interest in joining him out there. I don’t care about cars, but I can’t help but feel he’s trying to get away from me — for 12 months a year now!

His buddies are all car enthusiasts, and they’re helping him expand and build out there. It’s going to be a year-round obsession now.

My husband and I used to at least have wonderful winters together. Now there’ll be nothing left for us. What can I do? I really love this man.

— Feeling Abandoned, St. Boniface

Dear Abandoned: This winterized garage is a dream project with his buddies. You need to figure out the minimum amount of companionship you need from your husband this winter. Would weekly date nights work for you? How about tickets for concerts and sporting events? Even cosy late-night movies at home?

You could consider getting to know some of the car guys’ wives personally, so they could sometimes come over to hang out with you while your husbands are out in the garage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.