Why scorn motherly matchmaking mission?

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This article was published 30/11/2022 (1402 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently lost my last two grandparents. I’m in my 40s and looking for a way to recapture that kind of connection. I tried signing up for an event where you give gifts to seniors in long-term care, but I found it made me feel even more sad as I can’t provide human connection — only things. Those gifts may bring somebody some comfort, but it feels impersonal and I can only feel bittersweet about it.

I don’t want bittersweet. I want to feel what I felt when I spent time with the older generation. I know loneliness is an issue for the elderly but it’s an issue for me, too. Surely there’s a solution here that isn’t just donating stuff? I’m at a loss, though.

— Generational Loss, Crestview

Dear Generational Loss: You’re a kind and loving person and it’s so sad you have now lost all your grandparents. There surely have to be local visiting programs to connect younger and older people, in the way you would most enjoy. I heartily encourage readers to offer any suggestions for you along these lines.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got in a fight with my stupid brother and now he has a black eye, which he deserved to have — for the first day or two. But it lingered on, and people still comment. We were out together at the bar recently, and someone asked my brother what happened to his eye.

He pointed at me and said: “Ask him! He’s the one who clocked me!” People laughed way too long. I felt really awkward, so I left the bar and walked home. Why are people so insensitive to ask these personal questions?

— Shaking My Head, St. Boniface

Dear Shaking: Liquor loosens tongues, so don’t go to a bar if you want people to be discreet about touchy subjects. “Who delivered that black eye?” was the first thing that popped into this stranger’s mind. He had no idea the guy who dealt the blow would be his own brother, who was sitting right there. Just give him a pass!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 34 and happily single. Nobody I know in my 30s seems to want to get married anymore, thanks to worries over global warming and the horrible wars in the world. I know I sure don’t want to bring kids into this mess — or at least that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

However, I’ve had a few suspicious contacts on Facebook in the last week from young women I don’t know, who already know things like I’m a “save-the-world guy,” and where I work. They turned out to be daughters of my mom’s friends, and they’re more my age, pushing 30. When I asked my mom about it, she admits she’s working on “getting me a grown-up girlfriend for Christmas.”

I can get my own girlfriends, thanks. But Mom thinks my usual girlfriends are “young feather-brains,” unlike serious me. I can’t disagree, but that’s not an age thing. I happen to like casual, lighthearted women. Right now, I’m still attracted to childless, single women who are about 10 years younger. How do I get my mother off this stupid mission?

— Happy Love Life The Way It Is, Sage Creek

Dear Happy: You don’t have anybody special these days, so why are you being cranky about women contacting you? Why not humour your mom this holiday season and meet a few more women closer to your age? If the date with them is boring, just don’t repeat it, with no explanations to your mother or anybody else.

Meanwhile, you can keep seeing younger women, too. With luck, one of them night turn out to have a fascinating brain, extra maturity and a good sense of humour. Jackpot!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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