Navigate big changes with bespoke attire, advice

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This article was published 28/11/2022 (1402 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really like this big, sweet guy, who thinks he’s ugly. I met him when we were both first losing weight — a lot of it — at a club. I feel better, and know I look better, but he still looks at himself and sees a big, ugly guy. He looks handsome to me, but he doesn’t feel that way inside.

He has money to buy clothes, so his sister took him shopping and he could actually see he looked good — for a time. He kept losing weight, and now his clothes are hanging off him again. He says he can’t buy more because he’ll grow out of them — and he calls it all a big waste of money! Meanwhile, he’s uncomfortable about his looks again.

It’s not like he doesn’t make good money either. I want to help him, and do it before Christmas, when some of his family is flying into town. Please help!

— Out of Ideas, Norwood

Dear Out of Ideas: To help your friend welcome his emerging new body and feel comfortable in it, he needs psychological help and emotional support, or he may get too down and scrap his healthier regimen. Research a good counsellor for him, and push him to go. Perhaps you could go first at least once, and pave the way for him.

Practical Idea: Since he liked his first set of new clothes, he might feel comfortable with a tailor or seamstress re-sizing his favourite items to his changing body. Another thing he might enjoy this winter is a lined leather coat where he can feel warm and protected — and look handsome without showing every detail of his body.

It’s hard to have people watching you lose significant weight and inspecting your body with curiosity.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old mother is a funny person who likes to party, and she’s often quite merry when she gets on the phone. She does enjoy her 5 p.m. happy hours. I worry about her falling in her house, and we won’t know she’s on the floor injured.

She’s not moving to an “old folks’ home,” she tells us. She’s adamant about staying with her neighbours, and assures us she always carries a cellphone anyway. My husband says that’s enough protection for her. Still, I really worry about her.

— Loving My Old Mom, West End

Dear Loving Mom: A medical-alert service could work, as she’d always be in silent contact with a call button on a pendant or around her wrist.

Companies offering the service now have “freedom to roam” options that don’t only protect your loved one while at home, with locators and fall-detection capability — perfect for active folks like your mother. For info on different service-providers and levels of protection available, do some research online with resources like seniorsbulletin.ca, which has reviewed mobile medical-alert options for seniors in Canada and offers comparisons of services and costs.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my boyfriend, but I also love my girlfriend. They always knew I was bisexual, but didn’t know about one another’s existence. Why? Because they live in two different cities in Manitoba, and I live on a farm. I didn’t tell them about each other — no need to cause a ruckus.

I warned them both that I hate drop-in company “because I like to be prepared,” but my lady friend was growing suspicious. She usually works weekends but got one off to drop in at my farm. My man friend had stayed overnight, and we were caught red-handed!

It was a very bad scene! Now they’re both hurt and angry, and I’m the villain. I accept responsibility because I wasn’t honest with them.

Now, they’re insisting I make a choice, or otherwise they’ll both be gone. The logical thing to do is say goodbye to both, but I don’t want that. I also don’t want to start at Square 1, as there aren’t a lot of single people in the country. I love these two people equally, so how can I choose?

— Blew It? southern Manitoba

Dear Blew it: Sometimes you can only get half of what you want. Since that’s the case for you, pick the lover who’s most open-minded and forgiving. If you pick the angriest one, you’ll be hearing about your deception until that relationship is worn right out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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