Atone for hair ‘joke’ with sincere show of affection

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This article was published 04/12/2022 (1395 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is a born-again hippie.

In her 20s, when we got together, she was a freedom-loving hippie girl in tie-dyed clothes and waist-length black hair. So hot!

That faded out naturally, with changing styles. But now that so much tie-dyed clothing has come back, she has a whole new wardrobe of multi-coloured stuff.

“More power to you!” I said when she started dressing this way two summers ago. The hippie thing has continued with her, and she started decorating the house in a very eclectic ’60s style. She started growing out her now-grey hair last spring, and now it’s way down her back — not a good look.

The other day I playfully touched her grey hair and told her “I’ll have to start calling you my favourite witch, and buy you a broom for Christmas!” She was not amused. In fact, she went into the bathroom and locked the door, which is where she goes to hide and cry.

When she finally came out, I said, “I’m sorry. I don’t even have grey hair — I’m just bald. I wish I had some hair! I guess I’m jealous.”

She accepted that with “nice try!” and has been polite but distant since. She is self-consciously wearing her hair up in a low bun — a real old-lady look, if you ask me. Give me the hippie look back! Please help me defuse this. My wife can stew on something for weeks or months before she’s had enough.

— Mr. Big Mouth, St. James

Dear Mr. Big Mouth: You need to make a much stronger apology — so write her a real love letter. Tell her how sorry you are for hurting her feelings. Let her know you’re happy she still has enough youthful energy to want to dress in a funky way again and that it reminds you of the old days when you met and fell with her. But, don’t stop there. Tell her you love every hair on her head — any colour, any length!

Take your time and make this a note she’ll want to keep forever.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a husband and father to three children. I like my feisty mother-in-law who’s lots of fun and she really likes me.

The man she’s married to is a jerk. This is her second husband (not my wife’s birth father) and he curses like a sailor in front of the kids. He even drops the F-word around them, though not when my mother-in-law is in the room.

I ratted him out to her recently, and now he’s got an attitude. He makes sarcastic apologies to me if he “accidentally” curses in front of the kids. He talks to me like I’m a wimp of a man. How do I handle him?

— Furious Dad, Southdale

Dear Furious: Since this is not your wife’s actual father, you have more leeway in handling him. Next time he starts cursing in front of the kids, and you stop him and he apologizes sarcastically — it’s family showdown time!

You say: “If you really meant that, you’d just stop swearing in front of our kids. Since you can’t seem to stop, let’s all talk.” Then call your wife and mother-in-law into the room.

Your feisty mom-in-law will make the biggest difference in this verbal shoot-out. And you can bet her husband will get it “both barrels” in the car on the way home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a customer who keeps coming into my shop, where I’m a sitting duck. He has a crush on me, and he’s way too old and boring for me.

I’m in my 20s and he is pushing 40, with no wedding ring. I have to watch the store alone at noon hour — and there he is! He’s always very polite and buys something I’m sure he has no need for.

It’s so obvious he’s attracted to me. What do you do when an unwanted person with a crush keeps coming to see you at work?

— Uncomfortable, St. Vital

Dear Uncomfortable: You might buy yourself an imitation engagement-style ring and wear it in the store. Some women have used this trick while working in a bar or a restaurant, or travelling by air. Most potential admirers find the ring a turn-off.

If your customer asks about it, just smile and say, “I don’t know you well, and I’m too shy to talk about it.” He probably won’t be back!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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