Boozy bisexual bombshell demands discussion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/01/2023 (1361 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is not a drinker, but he got very drunk on Christmas Eve, and got really loose and chatty. In the end, he confessed to me about a same-sex relationship he had with a guy in college!

Unfortunately, it’s bothering me a lot. I can’t get the picture of them together out of my mind. It wasn’t just a sexual thing, apparently. My husband said he was only 18 at the time and loved this guy, who threw him over in a nasty way. So, he swore off that part of his sexuality, and brought out the other side, and only dated women from then on.

A few years later, he met me and we fell in love, and that was it for both of us. We got married and now share a house, kids and pets, and I thought we were living the dream — until now.

I have to face the fact that my husband is/was bisexual. I never needed to hear that confession! I can beat out other women, hands down, but how do I know he won’t want a man again?

— Feeling Scared, St. Boniface

Dear Scared: Men usually don’t freak out if their wives confesses a previous relationship with a woman. In fact, some find it quite fascinating and a bit of a turn-on — as long as it’s truly over. What men don’t realize is this: It doesn’t work the other way around. Women don’t believe a man will never go back, even just casually.

Yet, all of us can sometimes change and evolve sexually — especially if someone got badly hurt and turned off one sex, as your husband did.

On New Year’s Eve, with the liquor to loosen his tongue, your man must have thought, “What the heck — we’re a solid couple for a long time, and I can tell her anything!” and decided to confess a previous chapter with a man. What a mistake that confession was!

Ironically, it’s that insecurity you’re feeling now — along with the need to question your husband — which can loosen up a secure present-day relationship. You two need to talk it out, and it’d be best if you had an open-minded female counsellor to help you sort things out together. Your husband wouldn’t be able to be as open with another male, no matter what his sexual preference.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had to give my dog to my parents to keep, because my new girlfriend said that while she loves dogs, she is allergic to them. I’m 20 and she’s 19. We were trying out six months of living together, and it’s turning out she just lies about things when it’s convenient to her!

Her younger sister said to me at Christmas, “Did my sister really tell you she’s allergic to dogs? The truth is, she just can’t stand dogs!” Apparently, she doesn’t like sharing attention with a dog. She wants all her boyfriend’s time and love.

Her sister tells me she lies about a lot of other things, too. I felt a lightbulb go on! My girlfriend has told me a lot of wild, bragging stories about herself since I met her. I asked her sister to name some instances of other lies, and she brought up a lot of those same tall tales.

Now I just want her out of my life and to get my place to myself, but how do I throw her out? I’m worried! What lies will she tell about me? Should I call her parents to take her back, or pick a fight with her and hope she just volunteers to leave? She has a real temper!

I actually feel sorry for her parents, as they are kind people. Please help! This is not going to be easy, and I want my beautiful dog back here soon.

— Trapped With a Liar? North Kildonan

Dear Trapped: The parents are the safest route to go, especially since they recently had their daughter living with them.

They’ll be missing their daughter — tall tales and all. They also may be wondering why you haven’t put a ring on her finger. Tell them she’s a very nice girl, but it’s just not working out for you, and stubbornly leave it at that. No need to get into her personality issues — and the fact your dog wins out!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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