Don’t double-down on duplicity; divest yourself

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/02/2023 (1272 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My recently-retired husband thinks he’s so smart. I know where he really goes in the afternoons when he says he’s “curling” with guys from his old firm. I asked a friend of mine to follow him in her husband’s truck. She ended up seeing him go into the property of a woman I introduced him to at a fancy social event, just before COVID hit. She’s divorced and very attractive, though it kills me to say that.

I’m not going to let my husband know I’ve discovered his little affair. Why? A man I regret not marrying (when he asked me long ago), has recently become free and available. I could contact him now, and I will! Why don’t men realize women can play their games too, and play them better?

— I Can See Clearly Now, Transcona

Dear Clearly: If you really want to play the divorce game well, don’t “play dirty” by setting up a twin-affairs situation. Instead, see a good divorce lawyer. With legal coaching, divest yourself of your cheating husband, divide up the property and then contact your old love.

If he’s as good a guy as you think he is, he wouldn’t have wanted to be part of a revenge situation; but a legal breakup conducted with class is something else.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my favourite high school sports coach at a game recently. He was obviously excited to see me again, too. We talked and talked! He was very young when he was my teacher and coach. I had a big crush on him, and managed to take several of his academic courses as well. I was his top student for a few years.

I realized with a shock I’m still interested in him — and even more so now I’m an adult, and working in a field he turned me onto. Now what can I do? I don’t know if he has a partner. I can get this number, but what do I say if I call him?

— Reactivated High School Crush, Waverley West

Dear Reactivated Crush: Romantic relationships between former coaches/teachers and students look suspicious to other people who know them from the old school days. Those people ask themselves and others, “So, when did that start?” That’s not to say students (and some teachers/coaches) don’t get crushes here and there. But, as a teacher can lose their profession by consorting with a student, it rarely goes further.

Remember this: running into this teacher/coach reminded you of what kind of man you’d like to end up with. You’d be smart to look for a younger version of that man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You gave good advice to the letter from the mom with the “27-Year-Old Teenager” who still lives at home! (I told Mom to research living spaces, her daughter’s money situation and to give her start-up money, if needed, to pry her out. —Miss L.) When our kids started working, they paid us rent. When they left home, we gave them their rent money back. This was a good way for them to start off on their own.

— Independence is a Good Thing, Manitoba

Dear Independence: Moving out should not be a “kicking out” situation, but rather a natural thing kids look forward to. Parents need to talk about it casually, saying, “Someday you’ll get your own place with friends, and it can be a great experience.” But, here’s the problem. That only works for kids who are natural friend-makers. It’s more difficult for shy people or natural loners — as one suspects is the case for the “27-year-old Teenager.”

It’s also a problem for some wealthy families to “liberate” their kids when they’re used to a fancy home with free electronics, vehicles, good food in the fridge and a swimming pool for parties.

Some parents solve the independent-living problem by sending their kids off to out-of-town universities where they live in residence at first. They meet a raft of new friends who become apartment mates, moving out and living in genteel poverty together!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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