What husband knows shouldn’t scare him so much

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/02/2023 (1316 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My second husband is almost 10 years younger than me. This time round I married a hot, younger guy because I’m an athlete (a runner) and frankly, quite sexual. I didn’t want to marry an older guy who might be “finished” sexually, years before I was.

My husband doesn’t have a sexual problem, but he’s had to stop running with me because of an injury. I’m running with other people now in a group, mainly guys. My silly husband has become jealous, but he doesn’t know or hasn’t met most of them.

I’m not going to quit running with my male friends because he’s jealous, but I need to settle my husband down. We already have sex a lot, so revving that up is not the answer. What do you suggest?

— Wife of a Jealous Man, Fort Richmond

Dear Wife: If you were injured and your husband was regularly out running with a group of unknown athletic women, it might bother you, too! That is, until you got to know them. It’s easier for your man to be jealous of mystery men, than a group of ordinary people you both know.

Try this: One weekend soon, invite the running group and their partners over for a fun lunch party. Let your husband meet them, and get to know them as ordinary people. That may be all it takes to settle him down.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother, who separated from my father recently, has started “seeing people,” and I don’t mean men!

I’m 15, and unlucky enough to be living at home with her. My dad moved out of the house, and I can see why. Mom is acting like she’s my age, though she’s in her late 30s, and her phone is always ringing. She always says, “I’ll take this call in my bedroom.” Then she goes in there and talks forever, with the door closed.

She’s not very careful about closing her laptop, and when she’s not around, I have lots of time to look for info. I know a lot more than she wants me to about her “private” life. Last night we had a fight and I said to her, “I don’t care if you want to be with women, but I do care that you never talk to me. I’m going to ask to live with Dad!”

Suddenly she went white in the face and said, “Please don’t say that. You’re all I have!” I don’t get it. She got to keep me when she and Dad split up, but she pays no attention to me. I just want to have a parent who cares if I’m alive. What can I do?

— Abandoned Daughter, St. James

Dear Abandoned: Your dad probably understands your situation better than you know. He may also have felt abandoned, especially when your mom got more interested in the world of women as romantic partners. Ask to have a serious talk with your father, at his place. Then you can explain how you feel in private, and it’s alright if you cry.

He might ask you to move in with him, depending on his space situation. Your mother may fight that, as she feels you’re all she has. But the fact your mom is ignoring you tells another story. In the end, a compromise might work — maybe weekdays with one parent and weekends with the other.

Now let’s look at your future in this world. You need the best education and training you can get, so you don’t want to lose a year of school, no matter what problems your family is going through. It’s time to see a school counsellor, especially if you haven’t been able to concentrate and are falling behind. You’re already into the second half of this school year.

The good news? School counsellors have a lot of experience these days with parents living in two locations, and know different solutions that can work. After a few sessions with you, they’ll likely want to see your parents, whether together or separately. Encourage that to happen.

From now on, you should welcome your parents’ help, but you also need to figure out what you want career-wise, and start pushing for it, with guidance from teachers and counsellors. Grandparents may also want to help you out with educational and financial support. You can do this!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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