If she truly matters to you, park your own judgment

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/02/2023 (1276 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve started hooking up with a girl who’s a bit too scary to be introduced to my parents. I come from a large, well-off, somewhat traditional family. I have siblings who are with their soul mates, and two are already settled down with kids. I’m the middle child, pushing 30 and feeling a ton of pressure any time I bring a woman home to meet my family.

The thing is, lately I’ve been really falling for this girl. We’ve been getting together now for almost six months, and she feels like my girlfriend. She’s just scary hot, with a ton of tattoos, piercings, and she uses lip fillers and all that. I know my parents are going to give both her and me a hard time, if I bring her home.

What can I do? They still see me as their quiet son, but I’m more open-minded now. I don’t want to be shamed out of the woman I choose to date. How do I handle things?

— Sick of Family Judgement, Charleswood

Dear Sick of Judgement: Your parents aren’t the only ones who are judging this girl. You’ve been hiding her away like a secret fling and trying to keep her on your “sex-only” list. Part of your attraction may be the rebellious feeling you get being with her. For all you know, your parents might like her, if they ever get a chance to know her.

You say your siblings have found “soul mates” which means, to you, they match. If you decide to take this young woman home feeling like you have to apologize for her being different, then guess what? She is the one who could be doing better!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have degrees that took me a long time to acquire, but they earned me a high-paying job in a medical field. I come from a poor family. My education was a really big deal to my parents, and I help support them.

I recently moved in with my boyfriend — a big, handsome guy in the trades. He’s been married before, and said he “needed a trial thing at first.”

Now I’m starting to see a new side of him. He gets mad about something in his life, and then he puts it on me and my “fancy” job, and says I “don’t understand hard work.” Believe me, there’s nothing easy about working in health care.

I thought I loved him, but I feel confused and betrayed, and we are fighting a lot. The worst thing is, he’s starting to scare me physically.

— Trial Marriage, Sage Creek

Dear Trial Marriage: It’s time to bail! Your trial husband’s ego problem may not go away — unless you give up your high-paying career, stay home and have babies, and he feels like he’s top dog. Even then, he’ll resent your “fancy” education.

You can get out of this relationship fairly easily if you’re prepared to use some of your “fancy” money to settle things with him. Then, get your own secure place, and some post-relationship counselling, to help you shift your taste in men to someone who feels equal to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a married woman, but I work with a divorced man who’s nice-looking and starting to hit on me very sweetly. As a woman in a dry marriage for 10 years, I’m finding it hard not to flirt back. My husband isn’t even my friend anymore, and I’ve wondered for several years if he’s seeing someone else. I have seen signs of messing around I’ve tried to ignore.

Things haven’t gone anywhere outside the workplace with my flirty co-worker, but I think about him all the time. Last Friday he told me he thinks of me too — when he goes to bed! I didn’t sleep all weekend. We’ve been friends at work for many years. How do I make these feelings stop — or do I need to?

— Feeling the Pull Now, Garden City

Dear Feeling the Pull: Why are you staying in a lifeless marriage and wasting your time on Earth? Ask your husband outright what’s going on in his life — every aspect of it, including his sex life — and see what he says. It seems you both need a change. Maybe he’d like to be free, too.

As for your male friend at work, tell him what you’re doing about sorting your situation at home. You may actually be free one day in the near future, and then you can decide what to do together. While it’s not advisable to mess around with someone at work, romances sometimes happen, and it’s not against the law!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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