Persistent nocturnal paeans point to buried angst

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/02/2023 (1273 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My erotic dreams are getting me in trouble with my new husband. Lately, I’ve been dreaming about a Parisian lover from my travelling days. Unfortunately, I’ve been murmuring my sensual pet name for him in my sleep — La Tour Eiffel. My French paramour used to find that name sexy and highly amusing.

Last night, my new husband shook me awake, wanting to know why I was babbling about the Eiffel Tower. I lied to him the best I could. That old pet name for someone else was amusing to me, but it wouldn’t be to him. My question: Why am I having erotic dreams and babbling about an ex-lover, when I have a sweet new husband?

— Talking in my Sleep, Westwood

Dear Talking in My Sleep: Persistent dreams are often clues to something important, when you need to figure a problem out. Why are memories of your old French lover arriving in erotic dreams these days? What is missing with your new husband that needs to be identified and fixed, ASAP? Ask yourself: What did I learn in Paris from my former lover that might make this marriage sizzle? The sooner you figure out the answer, the sooner you will stop babbling in your sleep.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want to cheat on my wife, but COVID is over now, and she still won’t go out. I approached her with strong feelings and suggested we “re-activate instead of vegetate.”

I feel I’ve wasted enough of my life, and want to get immersed in activities with friends and live again. She said she wasn’t ready, and may never be ready. Her words went straight through me like bullets.

The unfortunate truth for her? I’m seriously thinking of going back to work now. I know my old company is hurting since COVID, and the principals have said they’d love to get me back, even part time. I don’t care what she thinks after what she said. What do you think?

— Too Young to Lie Down and Die, Charleswood

Dear Too Young: You need to go the positive route, whether your wife is ready to match you or not. So, look outwards and upwards. You know if you stay home to match your wife’s low energy, you’ll deeply resent her. Each of us gets one life, and must not waste it. You can feel new projects calling you.

Without fighting her about it, get back into the work you enjoy. Then quietly tell your wife about the different things you’re doing, without being pushy or preachy. She may start feeling revitalized. In fact, it may be exactly what she needs to give her back her own energy — a friendly jump-start from the one she loves.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve dated a lot of different kinds of guys and had relationships short, medium and long. I’m sick of all this nonsense! I’m 28 and have a serious professional job, and I want to meet the love of my life in 2023. In fact, I made it my resolution to meet Mr. Right on Jan. 1 — but I’m not even one step closer to finding him.

— All Alone, downtown Winnipeg

Dear All Alone: Start by being negative (much easier than straining to be being positive) by making a list of people you’ve dated over the years, and beside their names write their traits that your ideal husband, and father of your children, would not have.

Then consider the opposite traits to those listed, and you’ll start to see what you’re looking for. Next, ask yourself where people like that might be spending their time, and let that percolate in the back of your mind. You’ll be amazed what your brain can come up with when it’s fed a wealth of specific information. Then act on that info, and get busy scouting for your mate.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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