Third-party confession could ease guilt over kiss

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This article was published 18/02/2023 (1022 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about “Costs of Fessing Up” — the married woman who had an illicit kiss with a man from work — and is eaten up with guilt now. (I suggested she ask herself if one illicit kiss is worth a family breakup. —Miss L.) I agree with the recommendation that the conscience-burdened writer should seriously think over the urge she has to confess to her husband.

However, if she’s claiming that keeping this secret is making her sick — mind, body and soul — perhaps she should confess to a pastor, priest or counsellor, to help her get her bearings. This third party hopefully would let her unload, and help keep her from feeling sicker.

— Just Saying, Winnipeg

Dear Just Saying: It’s one thing to feel guilty over a stolen kiss that wasn’t so hot, and not worth repeating, but it’s a whole other level of guilt when you’re left wanting more hot kisses like that, and know where you can get them! That seems to be the case here.

This guilty wife definitely needs to let go of some of the pressure she’s feeling over her hot kiss with her co-worker. If she wants to re-dedicate herself to her marriage, it’d help to teach her husband to kiss like that. If that’s not possible, and she’s dying for more kisses with Mr. High Voltage, she may have to change workplaces — or this could turn into a full-blown affair.

In the end, her guilt may require her to confess to her husband. Predictably, he’ll be hurt, embarrassed and unhappy.

On the small chance he’d go for it, she could try to offer him a free pass for one kiss outside their marriage, to even the score. He might laugh in her face, but he might consider it. I’d be interested to know how readers would feel about getting a free pass like this, offered by a guilty partner.

Times have changed in recent years and things have tightened up with regards to kissing. New Year’s Eve midnight kisses used to be “free” and people made the rounds at parties collecting them. They usually meant nothing. Now that’s a thing of the past, and a stray kiss seems to carry a lot more meaning.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Somebody stole $50 out of my wallet in my purse, and my teenage kids simply wouldn’t do that. They both have part-time jobs and have their own money — and are proud of it.

I regularly leave my purse out in the kitchen by the door. I suspect one of their friends must have swiped my money. It’s a lot of money, to me. Who would have taken it?

— Determined to Catch the Thief, North End

Dear Determined: There’s nothing like false accusations of stealing to hurt people and ruin relationships. So, don’t do anything until you comb your house and car, with everybody’s help. Go through all your pockets, dirty clothes in hampers and then look under beds, and down between sofa and chair cushions. Also check for ripped linings in your jackets and purses. Search family vehicles down the seats and in the side pockets and compartments.

Nothing found? Then you can safely call a big meeting and put the mystery out on the table for group solving. Nail down the last time you saw the money in your wallet, as closely as you can. Find out who all has been in the house. Ask your kids and your partner for help in solving this puzzle, and don’t act like you you’re looking for a thief amongst them. Just say you can’t find the money, and you really need it.

It may not be family or anyone you know. It could be someone who came to the door, and you left for two minutes to get something. Or, it may have been loose and fallen down a crack somewhere — bills don’t take up much space. If it was a thief, it could be someone who visited in your house or delivered something, and you stepped away for a minute. Be very careful not to assume someone specific stole from you. Unless you have absolute proof, you can ruin important relationships with suspicions — and those relationships are worth more than $50.

You may never know who took the cash, or it may suddenly turn up, seemingly from nowhere — courtesy of the guilty party!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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