Why not enjoy vicarious ‘newlywed’ spark?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/03/2023 (1271 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband has an unhealthy fascination with the newly-married couple in the apartment next door. He loves to listen in to their silly fights, which is fairly easy, as we share old walls.

When we were first married, we used to fight over many of the same silly things they do, and then we’d passionately make up. I suspect he’s missing that. Why? Over Sunday breakfast, we heard those crazy newlyweds fighting over the “right way” to paint their living room wall. Stupid thing to fight about, right? I just shook my head, and walked out of hearing range. Fifteen minutes later they were making a lot of noise, but not fighting anymore!

My husband came looking for me with that look in his eye. Is it normal to get turned on by other people, or is this a bit sick?

— Just Wondering, Wellington Crescent

Dear Wondering: Is this (in a silly way) livening up your marriage? Are you having fun? Do you really care if it’s normal or not? If your answers are two yeses and one no, start enjoying that adjoining wall!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m thoroughly disgusted by the way the boss looks at the females in our office, and it’s mostly younger women working here. I would have thought he’d be grateful and be more respectful since the women here are responsible for everything that actually gets done in this place.

I can feel his eyes on my back, as I’m writing to you. He never does anything, just looks me up and down. I really need this job. What should I do?

— Miserable for Minimum Wage, West End

Dear Minimum: Since you’re only making minimum wage, you can’t lose anything by changing to almost any other kind of job. It may not pay much more, but you could find peace of mind, which is worth a lot.

To ensure you won’t end up in the same or a worse situation, shop for recommendations of places to work. Enlist friends and family members (including cousins) to help you find a new job, perhaps at their workplaces, where they can vouch for the character of the boss, and other employees.

Whatever you do, don’t stay stuck where you are. Your happiness is important for your physical and mental health, and for your relationships with the people in your life. A bad work environment can cause a lot of stress when people put their heads down and “soldier on.” They feel depressed, even during the hours they’re at home, as they’re dreading their return to work. Start looking for a better work environment and possibly a place where you can train on the job and work your way up. Good luck with your search!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my old boyfriend from high school at a hockey game, and I didn’t recognize him at first. It has been 23 years since we went steady. He’s lost his beautiful long brown hair, and to compensate has grown a foot-long white beard. He caught me staring at his Santa Claus beard and said, “What are you looking at?”

I said, “Nothing!” He looked my lumpy, overweight body up and down, and smirked. I must admit I feel uncomfortable with the way I look now. Since I ran into him, I keep looking in the mirror and imagining “the old me” my boyfriend knew from Grade 12. We both ran track. We were both slim, with great leg muscles.

I wish I’d never run into him. How can I undo what happened and get back to feeling OK about myself?

— Former Runner, Charleswood

Dear Former Runner: Sometimes “fate” throws uncomfortable situations into our lives. If we can get past the hurt pride, we can actually benefit. Unlike your high school boyfriend who cannot easily get his beautiful hair back, you can recover much of your body’s muscle tone if you start walking and running.

You might even enter a race, to have a goal. If you get strong and fit, you can bet your muscles will be thanking the old boyfriend for that wake-up call.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography