Forget handouts, aid brother in more practical way

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This article was published 27/09/2023 (1094 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother is an idiot. He’s had two businesses go down the toilet, and now he’s got a third business in trouble. Last night he dropped in on me to try to borrow money to save his third business. I made excuses that I was sick and said I couldn’t see him.

I’ll be blunt. I’m a wealthy man at this point in my life. I could easily afford to back another one of his doomed businesses and keep him afloat for another year, but this time I don’t want to. My wife says it wouldn’t kill me to lose a few more dollars and help him feed his family.

When she puts it that way, I feel like a jerk. But this time I really don’t want to pony up the money and I might never want to talk to him again if I do and he loses it. What do you suggest?

— Fed Up to the Teeth, North Kildonan

Dear Fed Up: It makes sense you don’t want a repeat of the last two times you gave your brother financial help. You also don’t want to refuse help to him if his family doesn’t have enough to eat — and you are admittedly a wealthy man.

Also important? You must always consider your wife’s feelings of love and respect for you. You don’t want to strain those feelings as they are absolutely priceless.

So try this if your brother will allow it: Hire an expert to analyze what is going wrong in your brother’s business ventures. Hopefully that person could advise both him and you on what needs to be changed to make things work. Then you could consider some other help — financing him with what it takes to finally get him on track.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to your recent letter from “Mostly Short of Patience,” the boyfriend has it all wrong when he wants his girlfriend to appear shorter than he does. I’m as short as he is — five-foot-five — and it has bothered me all my life. In my next life I will be six-foot-two.

On occasion I have lunch with a lady who is five-foot-11 or maybe six-feet tall. When we go to lunch, all the guys look at me, as if to say, “How can you go out with her?” It makes me proud to see those looks. The woman’s boyfriend needs to realize that!

— Jim, Transcona

Dear Jim: The shorter boyfriend probably wants his girlfriend to appear shorter because he’s still hearing demeaning comments from the past in his head.

Unfortunately, you are also buying into the idea that height denotes status, and a tall woman with you will be seen as something akin to a prize you’ve won. Men’s stares seem to imply it’s ridiculous for you to be out with a tall woman, and that somehow she takes away from your status as a man.

Luckily you don’t see it that way, but you’re still caught in the headspace of thinking about how you appear walking with a taller woman. It’s time to just let it go.

Being with a tall or short woman shouldn’t mean anything at all. Height is partly a result of one’s biological background, nutrition and health.

My grandfather came from northern England, and he was a short man. After coming to Canada, he and his (also short) wife brought up nine children. Some of the boys grew to be six-feet tall and even taller; some of the girls were also tall for women of the day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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