Enlist mate to halt mom’s inappropriate flirting

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This article was published 26/09/2023 (755 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother, a former model, has been hitting on my boyfriend. It’s making me sick! I don’t like going over there to her house anymore — with or without him. She calls me “paranoid.”

You should see her when he’s around. She’s constantly touching him, whispering things to him and giggling. He finds it very uncomfortable. What can I do?

Lately, I’ve been considering cutting off my relationship with my mother for good! Would I be glad or would I end up sorry if I did that? I need to know.

— Furious Daughter, 22, Southdale

Dear Furious: You need to do something effective, but less permanent than cutting your mother right out of your life. Instead, give your boyfriend permission to tell your mom she’s being inappropriate and to back off. What you say counts little at this point, but what he says will count a lot. If the young man has a strong personality, it could be done in a more humorous manner that could be easier to move past than an angrier confrontation. This should set her back on her heels, and the problem will probably be over — at least with this boyfriend.

This is exactly the type of guy you’re going to need, if you want to marry and keep Mom in her place. Whatever you do, don’t stop dating anyone because of your mother. She’s the problem, not you. If she’s simply too much to handle, move to another town or city. Then you can deal with her mostly via phone and messaging, along with occasional solo visits.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is trying to get himself a new body and he’s weightlifting like a madman. He’s recently started measuring his muscles, and reports all the gains. I don’t care!

He’s totally self-involved now that he’s training for competition. He’s also fussing about his food and taking God knows what chemicals to bulk himself up.

Last night I caught him posing in the mirror. I said “I preferred you the way you were before — with smooth muscles and a lean body.” He went red in the face and said, “After all I’m doing, I’d think you should be the one to appreciate my efforts, and encourage me. Other wives would!”

I yelled back, ”Then get another one!” Now we’re barely talking. I just can’t support him in this craziness. What should I do?

— Married to a Weightlifting Nut, St. James

Dear Married to Nut: There’s no need to break up over this issue. It will likely wear itself out. Lots of people go through fitness crazes — both men and women. In fact, new weightlifting enthusiasts often give it their all for a few months, and then suddenly get fed up with the hours spent, the super-strict diet and the discipline involved. But remember, they won’t give it up nearly so fast if they’re being bullied into stopping.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother is scaring me. He just got divorced and has been “partying” very hard for a guy in his early 40s. He’s out drinking and doing cocaine all weekend like he used to when he was young. Even then, it used to freak me out. I can’t believe he even told me what he’s doing now, like it was a cool thing to brag about! I’m still “Baby Bro,” or so he calls me.

His ex-wife is a great person and she kicked him out, mainly over his drinking. I worry for him, and for her as she still loves him when he’s sober. I also feel sorry for the kids he left behind. It seems like the stress of the split was enough to push him back into all his addictions! Where do you even start, dealing with someone like this?

— Hating to See This, Transcona

Dear Hating to See This: One of the important issues the family program at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (AFM) addresses is how the addiction of a certain family member or friend is affecting you and your life. That includes addictions to alcohol, drugs or problem gambling. They support people like you to “explore how a history with addiction impacts your life today, and how you can move forward.” Visit afm.mb.ca/programs-and-services/for-family for more info.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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