Time to call dad out over his mortifying shtick

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This article was published 28/09/2023 (753 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We recently had a close family member pass away, and my dad acted like a complete jackass the whole time. He was cracking jokes at the hospital when people were mourning, even moments after the person we all love had passed away!

Then, at the funeral, he was loudly making jokes about what the cherries on the sandwiches resembled. He thinks he’s being hilarious, but all he’s done is foster an environment where people are afraid to confront him. I’m sick of it, but I don’t even know where to start, in telling him.

— Funeral Blues, West Kildonan

Dear Funeral Blues: Some people are so freaked out by the concept of death and funerals, they start making stupid jokes. These people are best hustled outside, and told they can relax and go home early as “everything is being taken care of.” If they need a more believable reason to leave the funeral, ask them If they “would be so kind as to give Great Aunt Mary a ride home now, since she’s very tired — and needs to get out of the place.”

“Getting out of the place” will ring a bell with your father. It’s exactly what he wants to do, but he doesn’t know how to exit. So, in his acute discomfort, he ends up making more of his dumb, schoolboy jokes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just spotted my recent ex-girlfriend at a big sporting event, where she was hanging all over a guy I recognize from a picture she carried deep in her purse. She told me it was a pic of “the poor guy she only dates between other guys.”

Why did she go back to him this time? Well, let me take a bitter guess. This guy is about 10 years older than her, has prematurely white hair and looks a lot like Daddy. She had her arm linked through his at the game, looking attached and comfortable and sort of “married.” Suddenly, I felt jealous! I almost forgot I broke up with her “for good” at the end of August.

Unfortunately, she’s an extremely beautiful woman and intelligent, though not in a bookish way. She’s also very sexual, claiming she “needs to have a feeling of close connection” at least once a day. I’m away several days a week. She’s also terrified of being left alone at night, and I have to do that at times.

But now I want nothing more than to get her back where she belongs! Why am I feeling this way when we’re supposed to be finished for good? I have a permanent headache and my guts hurt all the time. She has totally messed me up again. I can’t quit my job to be in Winnipeg 24-7, but that’s what she needs. I’m turning into a wreck.

— Addicted to Love? River Heights

Dear Addicted: When you’re completely baffled by your own behaviour, and you’ve hit your limits for emotional and psychological pain — not to mention your body starts revolting — you need to see a physician and ask them to take the wheel and steer the boat.

Don’t try to be a tough guy anymore. It’s wise to be completely open with your doctor so they can see problems clearly, help settle your body down and send you for specialized help, if necessary.

Psychologists can help you untangle complicated messes in your mind, although they can’t prescribe as physicians and psychiatrists can. Relationship counsellors can help you figure out if you truly want this woman back, or if you just want her because she appears to have somebody else, and they can point you to alternatives.

Bottom line: Maybe you need a woman who is more independent, needs room to breathe and is fine with you carrying on in a job that requires travel. One thing you need to accept is you’re not a natural match for this needy woman who must have a constant in-town love partner to feel stable.

Can you change your work situation? Do you even want to? Remind yourself of the reason you broke up with her the last time — because that’s what has landed you in this form of hell, where you feel hurt, helpless and out of control.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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