First things first before you woo fireside kisser

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This article was published 04/10/2023 (1089 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met this eastern European man at a party. A lot of my family came together for a charitable cause — a beautiful event in a big back yard outside the city. I went outside after the sun went down to sit by the fire.

Then I saw this man standing there, and my mouth dropped open. He didn’t look like anyone I knew — he had darker skin, coal-black eyes and big eyebrows. He suddenly came over to the fire to sit beside me and said, “I saw you staring at me. What did you find interesting?”

I blurted out, like an awkward Canadian: “Nothing! Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

We started to talk and I don’t know exactly what happened, but it got dark and we suddenly found ourselves drawn together in a kiss that felt so right, like the coming together of two lost souls.

When the kiss ended, I faked a little laugh and told him awkwardly that I already have boyfriend.

He just smiled and said, “That may be true, but that could change.” I stuttered something, got up and ran into the house.

I found out while I was kissing his face off in the semi-darkness, people were watching us. A week later, I still can’t keep this guy off my mind. I’m dying to call him. Would that be a bad idea on my part?

— Another Dumb Move? Bridgwater

Dear Dumb Move: Getting in touch with this man might turn out to be a very good move — once you break up with your current man.

Then you can call this guy who lights you up, tell him pleasantly you’re free and ask him to meet you for lunch or dinner. No doubt he’ll be intrigued and say yes.

Warning: Keep your hands off him, after a quick hello kiss. The “talk first, touch later” plan encourages a deeper romance than a first date that veers off into too much, too soon.

At the party, you may have been uninhibited somewhat after a couple beverages, so it would good to approach things more soberly when you first reconnect with the hot kisser. Then start talking and listening intently, so you can find out what this new man is all about before you make too many false assumptions or hasty decisions. Be sure to ask him if he currently has a partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in telephone sales and people complain they can’t get a word in sideways when they talk with me. I’m always pushing the sale and then losing it. Can you suggest something to help? I really need this gig.

I like my job, my boss and my workplace, but I have this horrible nervous habit. I talk too fast on the telephone and sound like a nervous rabbit. My boss has talked to me about it, and the last time was a warning, although I know he is a kind person who likes me. Help!

— Sales-Pitch Nerves, Downtown

Dear Sales-Pitch Nerves: People who anxiously speak fast are taking short, shallow breaths because they’re excited and fearful of sounding stupid. They may be scared of making a mistake in their pitch, of hearing negativity from the customer or of simply not making enough sales in a day.

Deep breathing is the major tip in bringing that nervousness down. A great little mantra for anti-anxiety breathing is this: “I aaaammm relaaaxiiiing…” Stretch those words out and really slow things down.

Also, look around your workplace for a job away from the phones, something that doesn’t make you feel anxious, as telephone sales may never come naturally to you. Take another chance, and ask your boss if he has a different type of job that might fit you better. He may be operating on the assumption you only want to do sales.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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