Scrap the apps and aim for real connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/10/2023 (1039 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a bisexual woman and recently trying to start dating women through dating apps. I was so tired of men and their games, but now women are starting to feel just as much into game-playing.

I keep getting stood up on first dates, and I don’t even know why I agree to them anymore. Every time I think it’s going to be different, I get a text right before we are supposed to meet and they say they can’t come.

At least the guys used to show up to meet me, but sometimes I think it was just to see if they could collect points with their friends for scoring with a bisexual woman. Am I sounding bitter? Please help me.

— No Luck With Either Sex, Fort Richmond

Dear No Luck: Setting a date up on an app or online to meet a stranger can definitely be fraught or even dangerous. The other person may not be who they say they are, and they could actually be a sexual predator.

That’s partly why some people don’t seem to feel badly about flirting online and then standing the person up at the last minute by text. In fact, they may congratulate themselves on not taking a chance.

The bottom line is you don’t have to give up on finding a great person to date and perhaps love. The LGBTTQ+ community at Rainbow Resource Centre (rainbowresourcecentre.org) offers programs and discussion groups for everyone from children through to the 55-plus crowd. Activities include sports and artistic endeavours, education covering many topics and counselling.

They also facilitate groups for discussions, socializing and exploring personal concerns. Many friendships blossom, and some romances, too.

With their groups, you can meet and interact with people as friends, and see what might also develop romantically.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lied about a personal thing — a size issue — thinking I didn’t have a prayer with this new woman I had started seeing. When we finally went to bed, she laughed a little too much when she made that discovery herself.

She told me she knew I was lying, then told me she lied about something, too, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. I started guessing: “Size of your bank account? Number of past lovers — what?”

She just laughed and said it was for her to know and me to find out. I doubt every stupid thing she says now.

— Can Two Liars Succeed Together? St. James

Dear Liar: This new woman could actually be lying about her lying, or maybe she doesn’t lie, and just wanted to get even with you. If so, she accomplished that because look who’s upset now! Why not move on to someone else you can trust to be honest and possibly get serious about?

Truth is very important if two people want to move things up to a higher level. However, that doesn’t have to include tit-for-tat confessions about their previous sex lives, which can stir up unnecessary jealousy and insecurity.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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