Fledgling adult kids coming home to roost

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This article was published 30/11/2025 (310 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The tightening financial situation in Canada is making an impact, and now the two youngest of our five adult kids are wanting to come back home, to live. Horrors! We thought we were free of all our kids last June. But it’s less than five months into our “second honeymoon” and it may be over already!

Our youngest two “boys” say they can no longer afford to share an apartment with a friend, pay for half the bills and the groceries, and continue to go to university.

My husband, who took that scary call last night, said a reluctant OK, but he told them they’d have to start paying rent and for their fair share of food and other household costs.

Then he suggested a lump sum for room and board — about half of what they paid for rent and bills, when living with their buddies. It’s still a 50 per cent saving for them, but they did not like the deal on offer. They expected to live here free, once again.

This morning my youngest son phoned me in a snit, and said he was going to ask his girlfriend about moving in with her, instead. They’ve only been dating since the beginning of July, and she’s a flake. What if they got pregnant and my son ends up marrying the wrong person?

What a headache this is turning out to be! What do you suggest to help deal with our mess?

— Upset Parents, Westwood

Dear Parents: The next move? Your sons need to see the actual numbers involved in supporting them at home. So, estimate how much it costs monthly to feed them and provide heat, water, electricity and parking spots. They may be forced to see their dad’s offer is fair, after all.

There’s more as well. You and your husband need to tell them you’ll expect them to help with housework, grocery shopping, snow-shovelling and cooking. In effect you and Dad are going from caretaking parents to middle-aged adults who are sharing a house with adult kids.

Your sons might balk at the deal, or they may agree, with the sneaky idea of slipping back to “the old days” once they’ve been home for a while. So, sit them down and review a possible deal, and put it in writing to show them you’re serious about the terms. They’re grown up, and it’s time to treat them that way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a phone call two nights ago and was groggy enough I answered it without checking the ID. It was my old girlfriend, phoning to apologize for some real or imagined slight she’d made two years ago, when we were in the process of breaking up.

I couldn’t remember the insult — there were so many. Then, she started crying uncontrollably, and wanted to drive over and apologize to me in person! What?

I said, “No thanks, but since you’re drinking and depressed, I’m going to alert somebody in your family right now.” Well, that sobered her up a bit, and she said, “Don’t bother!” and hung up on me. I thought that would save me from any more of her nonsense, but last night she phoned again, and was acting extremely weird — all spaced out and talking crazy, like someone on some serious drugs.

I’m afraid there’s something seriously wrong with her now. I used to know her big family well and liked them. Should I call her older sister and report this situation? It’s not really my responsibility.

— Seriously Worried, St. James

Dear Seriously Worried: If your ex-girlfriend is in trouble with alcohol and/or drugs, she may have reached a critical point. She’s clearly acting weird and may need help. So, don’t turn your back! Call her sister and tell her what’s happening, and let her know you think your ex may be needing both family and medical assistance. Make sure to be clear with her family that they seriously may need to intervene.

Don’t offer to get personally re-involved with your ex, which is what she may be trying to orchestrate. That’s a past chapter in your life, and it should stay that way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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