Don’t keep lid on mother-daughter reunion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met and married my sweet wife in her mid-20s when she was in university here. Now she and I are getting a very special surprise visitor this Christmas and we don’t know how best to tell my Manitoba relatives.

My wife had a baby when she was 15 years old in her home province in the Maritimes. The baby was adopted by a childless couple her parents knew there, who could take care of her and love her and gave her a great life. It was a private adoption between families.

That “baby” is in her 20s now and wants to come here to Manitoba and meet my wife — her bio-mom — in-person (they talk online or by phone all the time). She also wants to meet the rest of our Prairie relatives.

My wife and I have been in touch with this young lady in every way, except meeting her in person. We are very excited to plan a party for her here to introduce her to the clan.

Our question: Should we tell people ahead of the big party what we’re celebrating? Or, should we just have a family-reunion party and introduce my wife’s daughter as a surprise?

— Inexperienced Step-Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Inexperienced: It’s not the time for a surprise party, because it’s too emotional an issue and there are serious aspects to the backstory. There could be tears and all types of first reactions, and a few hurtful questions directed to your wife.

It only takes a few to ruin an event for someone.

It’d be easier if the relatives had some understanding of the situation beforehand so they can get confusing thoughts and awkward questions out of the way. Then you can all have a happier, less-stressful celebration.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young daughter pounds out Christmas songs daily and we are already sick of it. By Dec. 26 we’ll be ready to leave town.

I asked her last night to limit herself to five seasonal songs a night, and she started crying, “What’s the matter? Don’t you love Christmas and the baby Jesus in the manger like I do?”

Well, that shut us up! But really, it’s hard listening night after night, to the tiresome old favourites. How can we handle this hassle better without being called “meanies” again?

— ‘Mean’ Parents, St. Norbert

Dear ‘Mean’ Parents: Hang on, meanies. You only have to model being a good sport for another two weeks, so why not put in some earbuds if necessary, and do it without making a scene. There’s no need to spoil Christmas for little kids, who revel in the music they’re making — no matter how repetitive!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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