Don’t let workmate drive wedge into marriage

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Everybody agrees that my husband is a great person, as well as a hot-looking guy. We still both work together in the same place we first met. The trouble is, the women who work in his department just adore him. A few have even hinted they’d be available to him, if we ever broke up.

He tells me everything, and we just laugh about it. But I’ve been laughing out of the other side of my mouth these days, because a new female workmate has been after me since the day we were partnered on a project. She’s a lesbian and knows I am a “retired bisexual“ since I met my life partner — the most amazing man.

I pledged total loyalty to my new husband, and he is counting on my honesty. He knows everything about me and my past sex partners. The problem is, my lesbian friend at work doesn’t think loyalty to my husband — she calls him “Mr. Perfect” — will last more than a year “once the inevitable boredom with men always sets in.“ She says she’s willing to wait for me, and that really annoys me.

How do I get her off my back for good?

— Awkward Situation, East Kildonan

Dear Awkward: This woman is being a real pest and needs to get the message. Don’t be afraid to annoy her with stories about how well you and your husband are getting along. Also, encourage her to “just go for it“ if she mentions she has a new crush on somebody else.

If none of this works, fade the friendship with this woman by telling her to respect your new life situation, or keep her negative opinions to herself. If she tells you off, great!. Back off the friendship with her, and make it into a very casual business association.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has finally left her nasty second husband, whom family members have refused to see for the whole duration of her marriage to him. Nobody would come over to their house, as he swears like a trooper and is sometimes even violent with people when he’s drunk!

Now she’s celebrating her separation from him by opening her house up to the people who stayed away for years — with a big party on Boxing Day. She asked for RSVPs, and got them very quickly — all negative!

She phoned me to say, “Nobody is coming. I got rid of my husband for nothing. At least he loved me.” I didn’t know what to say to her, and I still don’t. But get this — my greedy kids want her to come to our house on Christmas Day because she is known to give big expensive presents.

I don’t want her sour face here, complaining to me about the other relatives and spoiling my holiday. What could I do for her on that day, at minimum?

— Desperate to Cancel, Crescentwood

Dear Desperate: Enjoy Christmas morning and afternoon with your kids and invite your difficult mom over at 4 p.m. for dinner and a gift exchange.

After that, take any kids who want to go, plus grandma, out in the car for a tour of seasonal light displays in your neighbourhood — and then drop her off at her place.

The trick is to keep the tour short and sweet, and then to plead “Christmas fatigue.” If she digs in her heels and refuses go home so soon, put on a Christmas movie where you can fall asleep in front of it, and have your husband drive your mom home when it’s over.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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