May need bawdier boy for brash body banter

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have one breast that is noticeably larger (the left), and when getting intimate recently, my new boyfriend commented on my unmatched pair. I deadpanned, “And which one would you like to go away?”

He choked on that joke! He’s not used to my sense of humour yet, which is very much active even during sex. How do I handle it when he comments again? There’s nothing medically wrong with my breasts, and I’ve had tests recently. I’m actually pretty annoyed!

— Lefty, River Heights

Dear Lefty: Humans beings are works of art, and not everything is precisely the same size or perfectly symmetrical. For instance, testicles are not precisely identical in size and often don’t hang at the same height. Breasts can be different sizes, and one a little higher or lower.

As far as these realities and your new guy’s discomfort at your at unabashed intimate commentary, you two may be something of a mismatch.

Humour is important, and being on a similar wavelength with a romantic partner can mean the difference between a lasting bond and a fling that fizzles.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a 34-year-old woman married to a wonderful man, but also very much wedded to the business I own. We’re both very busy with our careers, and are able to afford it, so we recently hired a full-time housekeeper who cooks, cleans and bakes, and lives in our large furnished basement suite.

He’s a gay man and recently asked if his new partner could share his basement suite with him.

We’ve met him already and he’s very nice, kind of shy and works pretty much the same hours as our housekeeper does.

I don’t know what to think. Should we try it? We’d hate to lose our housekeeper, and I fear he’d leave us if we rejected his new partner.

They’re not party people, and that’s important to me. What now?

— Considering It, South Osborne

Dear Considering: There’s no logical reason to reject this experiment. Just see how it goes! When people are happy in their home life and their work, it’s usually the best of all situations for themselves and for the people around them.

If people you know make sly comments about your unusual living situation, just say, “It works for all of us and it’s no problem.” Then, change the subject, because it’s simply none of their business.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got married in May years ago, and then divorced a year later for personal reasons. Every May now, I get an annoying card from my ex-husband with a “let’s-be-friends,” sickeningly-sweet message. I had enough of his stifling and stalking behaviour when we were married.

He already has another wife, and yet he still sends me these annoying cards on our wedding anniversary. I bet she doesn’t know!

How do I stop his attempts to remind me he’s still lurking and very much aware of me?

— Intensely Annoyed, West End

Dear Annoyed: Since this harassment is still happening, get in touch with a lawyer and have a stiffly worded legal letter sent out to your ex-husband’s addresses (work and home) regarding his attempts to stalk/harass you. He needs to know his behaviour is not just unwelcome, but illegal, and it can carry serious penalties. He needs to know that with a lawyer on your team now, things have gotten serious and the games are over.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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