Insensitive over-socializer may not be good fit

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a new girlfriend who is 28. Unfortunately, she comes off as single. Last weekend I took her up to my cottage, and people were always talking with her in stores and at my cabin. She’s very friendly.

After half a day, she had introduced herself to the married neighbours on either side of me. They were moving in stuff for the summer. One of them turned out to be the best friend of her ex-boyfriend, and they sat and talked far too long.

I finally grabbed her to go to a store with me. She got mad at me for being obviously jealous. What do you think of this?

— Feeling Awkward, West Kildonan

Dear Awkward: An insensitive person is a bad bet as partner for anyone! Also, this woman is not so crazy about you that she wouldn’t sit and talk too long with an ex-boyfriend’s pal and hurt your feelings. Ouch! She knew she was doing that, but was clearly enjoying it too much to stop.

Who needs this insensitive behaviour? Not you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crush on a man at work, who is out of my league. I’m 27. He’s in his 40s and single again, with an ex-wife and kids.

I know he likes me, as he stares at me too much, but I’m hesitant to take it further, and I’m not stupid enough to flirt at work.

I haven’t had a love relationship for two years, because I’m not attracted to average men. I prefer brilliant men who are going somewhere, like this guy. They are few and far between, in my experience, but I’m too smart to settle. He’s bright, single and hot-looking, so he qualifies highly in my books.

I know where he and other people from here usually go for after-work drinks. That’d be my opportunity to socialize with him and maybe have him let down his guard, after a few drinks. The trouble is, I tend to drink too much when I’m nervous, though I’m not an alcoholic.

I do need to get close to him, and for us both to let down our guards. So, I thought maybe I’d take a chance going for just one or two drinks with the gang and sit at his table, to see what happens between us. But what happens if I over-drink because I’m nervous? What do you think?

— So Attracted, downtown

Dear Attracted: Congratulate yourself that you know what kind of brainiac turns you on, but you should also know you’d be best to shop elsewhere for a lover, sexy friend or a combo of the two, rather than in a bar!

If you’re really determined to impress this tempting co-worker, you could invite work people and other friends of the same ilk over to your place for a bigger barbecue.

It’d be a lot less obvious to everyone, including the guy you’re secretly attracted to, if you can socialize with him at a busier party you’re hosting for the work gang and others.

Then, if there’s an attraction, you can let things develop slowly and naturally.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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