You can make no-booze family picnic work

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My father had to quit drinking recently, basically to save his life. The problem is he’s naturally a loudmouth, and now that he’s sober, he’s become sulky and quiet without the booze to jack up his mood.

There’s another issue as well. As a fairly close family group, we love to picnic together in the warm weather. But now Dad says he really doesn’t think anybody should drink alcohol at the picnics, now that he can’t partake.

He still definitely wants to continue our family get-togethers. What do you think?

— Frustrated Daughter, West Kildonan

Dear Frustrated: The rest of your family are lucky enough to still be able to drink alcohol without the dire consequences your dad would suffer if he fell back into it. One slip can sometimes do it. So try having a non-alcoholic family get-together in early summer with lots of games and fun prizes in addition to great food.

The idea is, when you take something away, add something novel and interesting, and it won’t be noticed as much. Keep your dad so busy playing, he isn’t missing the liquor until it’s over.

Your father may still long for a cold one in a party setting, so also make sure to get him a selection of the great non-alcoholic beers now on the market.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just can’t support your response to the woman whose future mother-in-law is setting up embarrassing situations involving her son’s former girlfriend — like secretly inviting her to the bride’s shower.

If a future husband is a mama’s boy and refuses to support his future wife in this issue, she needs to run. Marrying this guy and then challenging his mother is asking for a world of trouble.

— B. Webster, Winnipeg

Dear B. Webster: There needs to be a showdown ASAP between the conniving future mother-in-law and this engaged couple over the dishonesty of trying to sneak the groom’s ex-girlfriend into the upcoming shower. And for what reason? To spook the bride and spoil the happy party feeling.

The groom needs to take a stand on this kind of nonsense, alongside his bride-to-be. That means taking on his mother together with the help of a counsellor before anything more happens.

If that’s not in the cards, and there’s a falling out, know this: some people with difficult parents marry and then opt for the geographical cure — relocating far away. That way, they might just be able to manage the odd quick visit with the offending relative when they’re back in town for some other reason.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife got a full-time job recently and immediately hired a cleaning lady. Now she’s just cooking for me when she gets home at 6 p.m. — that’s it.

I asked her who’s going to pay for the cleaning and she said the household budget would since I never do anything else around the house other than mow the lawn.’

Then she told me the extra amount we would need in the budget for cleaning and assigned us both half.

What’s wrong with this? Everything. It feels like we’re suddenly back to being roommates, not husband and wife.

— Old-Fashioned Young Guy, St. James

Dear Old-Fashioned: As long as your wife was cooking and cleaning, like your mom may have done for your dad and your family, it felt to you like a show of love and a real (though old-fashioned) marriage.

Now your wife is working outside the home as much as you do and bringing in a full paycheque. It could be she’s tired in the same way you are after a full day’s work.

If you don’t want to pay your half for a cleaning lady, what cleaning jobs are you willing to take on in the house? That could help make peace.

Remember, marriages involve much more than household duties. Consider boosting the romantic part of your marriage with walks together in the neighbourhood in the evening, going for ice cream and trading massages before going to sleep.

If your relationship only comes down to checking off tasks on a list, it’s not likely to be a mutually fulfilling one.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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