Reach out for help to change your tune

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a musician, and I swore I wouldn’t get involved with anyone else this summer after having my heart broken again.

The woman who ditched me took off for a music scene elsewhere. I hope she never comes back! I heard by the grapevine she already had another guy during the months she was with me. I don’t know who, but I can guess.

My problem is another woman is chasing me hard already. Although I need the sex and she’s fun, I’m too afraid to see anyone. I’m still feeling messed up. Sometimes I hear love songs and cry like a fool. Still, my saving grace is playing music — something I’m good at and love. It heals me to an extent, but the really sad songs can bring me way down, even while on stage.

I’ve also just been asked to join a new band. Part of me wants to do it, but another part of is afraid to because I’m still so broken up inside. Women can be easy to come by in this scene, but I just don’t have the strength to take a chance at getting hurt again. Sorry for sounding like a big baby!

— Smiling Still Hurts, Winnipeg

Dear Smiling Hurts: Ask the band who want you if you can play for a week with them and see how it goes. If it does work, it could a positive step to help keep your head above water emotionally.

Also, talk to your physician about your situation, and do not soft-pedal it, as so many guys tend to do. Tell the truth about your serious emotional pain and all the symptoms. You may need some medication. Also, counselling support could help you sort out the painful feelings and cope better with them.

It’s time to figure out why things have not worked out for you romantically, so far. You may be falling for the wrong type of person, and could change that with professional help. You may also have some problematic behaviours of your own that don’t go down well with people in relationships. It’s always a good time to get rid of those!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I inherited a batch of kittens from a family, whose mama cat couldn’t feed them. It has been crazy but fun for my husband and me.

The trouble is I’m so attached now, I want to keep them all, but we don’t live on a farm and it isn’t possible for other reasons as well. I feel sick about losing these little characters soon. I love them already. Please advise!

— Cat Mama, Manitoba

Dear Cat Mama: If you do some planning right away, you might be able to give them to friends and neighbours, and then be able to visit and keep track of them as they grow up.

The trick right now is to get images of the mother and the kittens up on social media, to spread the word. Talk about each one’s character and get people interested in different kittens. Then invite potentials adopters over for a little summer get-together to meet the kittens.

This can really work. I once went to a neighbourhood puppy-petting event, where people were invited several times to come and play with a very big batch of canines. Some people were repeat attendees! Many people in the neighbourhood adopted and you could spot neighbours walking together with their growing pup brothers and sisters.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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