Time for tattoo redo or you two may be through

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a gay man with a partner who left me last year, but now he wants to get back together with me.

I have one condition for him coming back: he must get rid of the ridiculous tattoo of his recent ex on his chest. It’s embarrassing and repugnant for a man I have the grace to forgive to sport another man’s mug on his body.

The problem is he won’t undergo the pain of any kind of removal, and he says it was “beautiful art done by a professional.” I’ll give him that much, but I still need that tattoo removed in order to live with him again — and I do want that. What can we do?

— Ink Stink, River Heights

Dear Ink Stink: At this point you probably aren’t really in a position to be demanding something as big as tattoo removal. The procedure can be quite painful, depending on how it’s done, and it can be costly. You don’t mention how big this tattoo is, but that’s certainly a factor.

Consider first investing in some counselling sessions to work on renewing this relationship and working through any issues, including the tattoo. If the bond between you two does deepen once again, together you may consider taking steps to fully exorcise the ink. For now, maybe you could congenially discuss artfully changing the body art into something you can both live with. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spotted my girlfriend from high school on the bus recently — just as she walked back and started down the steps to get off. She smiled and waved at me quickly as she exited.

I want to phone her so badly now. I know by the grapevine that she’s not married and she’ll turn 25 like me, this summer.

How should I approach this? Don’t tell me to call her mother for her current number. Mom doesn’t like me because she thinks I got her daughter into sex in high school — but it was my ex who really took the initiative with me back then!

— Both Adults Now, Charleswood

Dear Both Adults: Make a call or two to mutual friends who knew you as a couple. Tell them you saw your ex getting off the bus and have the urge to call her and say hello. Find out for certain if she’s single or attached right now.

If she’s single, ask the friends to pass on your contact info, then the ball is in her court and she can think things through.

It really comes down to how you two parted. If she’s friendly to you on the phone, ask to meet her for a casual coffee somewhere — but take things slow and don’t jump the gun by expecting a more serious date right away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Up at the beach where all my friends rent cottages in the summer, there are a few single parents with their kids this year. I am one of those divorced guys now and I’m here with my kids, rain or shine, for a little while yet. We stay busy working on fun projects and also hit the beach with them regularly.

It attracts interest from people here, and a lot of beach folks know us. One woman in particular has been giving me “volunteer help,” as she calls it. She’s kind of lonely, as she’s working remotely, away from her office for the first extended period.

I’m certain she has her eye on me romantically, but this isn’t a situation where you can date normally, without everybody talking. Should I just ask her if I can take her out for dinner in the city?

I’m a shy guy and in my insecure moments I worry if I’ve got it all wrong, and she only thinks of me as a beach friend and wants to keep it that way. Please advise ASAP.

— Next Move? Victoria Beach

Dear Next Move: You only have a couple of weeks to move this along, so take a chance!

Tell this woman you really enjoy her company and would like to see her in the city where you could take her out to dinner and have some fun — without the kids.

You’ll be able to tell by her face if she’s truly interested in you. However, it seems like your chances are good, so it’s time to jump in while you still have a bit of time at the lake together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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