Get friends to clean up their own messes

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This article was published 25/10/2015 (3997 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the only woman in a group of gamers who meet at my house bi-weekly to play a game. I like the people I’m gaming with, and they are mostly long-term friends of my boyfriend, who lives with me, but the thing is, they all lack manners on how to behave as guests. They leave garbage lying around, leave their dirty dishes everywhere and the toilet seat is constantly left up. I don’t know how to approach them about their behavior — these guys are all in their 30s and should know better. I have a lot of allergies, so our house is the best choice for gaming, but I’m tired of feeling like a servant and getting no thanks for cleaning up after them. Is there anything I can say without being rude?

— Not Their Servant, Fort Garry

Dear Not Their Servant: Try being upbeat and positive about hanging out as a co-operative play group. Just say, “I need everybody’s help from now on,” and cheerfully hand out a sign-up sheet for picking up garbage, taking glasses and dishes to the kitchen, doing the dishes, checking the toilet seat, picking up snacks and bringing mix. Also collect for a snack fund. In other words, stop being the long-suffering host. Somebody will probably say, “I wondered why you hadn’t done this before; we just thought you were fussy and liked doing it yourself.”

Don’t make your partner hand out that sign up-sheet, or it will look like you’re too angry to even speak about it. Be jovial and firm — and ask everybody to sign up. You can make a few blank copies for different duties every few months. Leave one spot for “alternate.” That’s the guy who fills in if someone doesn’t show that week and he does that guy’s job. Sometimes he’ll have no job (lucky guy!) and other times — if two guys don’t show up — he has two jobs that week and it evens out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I don’t agree about politics, and now we’re arguing about it all the time. We voted for different people and that makes him even madder. The kids are asking why we are always fighting about it. What do you suggest we do about it?

— Opposing Political Views, East Kildonan

Dear Opposing Views: Some people agree to disagree and discuss politics with other friends where things don’t get so heated and personal. Some couples say, when a political issue blows up, “That’s a topic we leave alone, remember?” and leave the room without anger to do something else. We live in a world where we really need to actively teach tolerance, and what better way than by practising it in the home when there are differences such as this? It’s amazing what kids will silently absorb, such as how to handle differing politics and religious beliefs.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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