Let gossips keep guessing about your love life

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/12/2015 (3945 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live in a small town and my husband died six months ago. I’m in no shape for a commitment to anybody, but I have met a new man and can’t let him go by because he is my perfect man.

My husband was very difficult and was plagued by drinking and drug use. That meant constant trouble. This guy is originally from our town too. He actually came to the funeral, but I was too preoccupied to notice much. He had been a friend of my husband’s in high school. He came out of respect for the family. He took my hand on his way through the receiving line and said he was sorry and wished me well. I looked at him in the eyes, and felt something, but I was busy with everything else.

But, then fate had other plans.

I went to a Safeway when I was in Winnipeg two months after the funeral, and there he was. We talked and had coffee in the store at a little table and that was that. He asked if he could call me. A week later we went for dinner in Winnipeg and have been inseparable ever since. People talk — oh how they talk! (A friend of mine told me some mean gossip). I don’t owe them an explanation, but I can see the questions in their eyes. How can I handle this?

— None of Their Business, Manitoba

Dear None of Their Business: It’s been six months and it was a hard marriage. People close to you will know your husband was difficult and might even be glad you have a new “friend.” They don’t need to know the details. Let them gossip and guess. If the gossips are family and friends, and one day (not this year) you decide to get married, quietly elope.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve cried for an hour now, and it has finally let up. My pet bird died when I was at work. I’m a tough guy, but I loved that little featherbrain. He used to sit on my head and watch TV with me. I had no idea he was sick. He wasn’t even old. I thought it seemed kind of quiet when I came in the house, and then I went to the cage and there he was, not moving. I put him in a little box and buried him in the garden where there was lot of loose dirt. Then I put up a little cross.

How can I be so shaken up over nothing but a little bird?

— Big Baby, St. James

Dear Big Baby: A little bird is much more than nothing. He has a brain, feelings and a personality. He’s a living thing. You had a good relationship and he was affectionate with you. Of course you feel badly, and it has made you cry. That is normal and not something to be ashamed of.

Don’t wait too long before you consider another bird. You sound like a good pet owner and lots of pets need homes. It’s not a bad thing to adopt or buy a pet from a pet shop before you are finished grieving. The new pet doesn’t take the place of your old pet in your heart, but the growing relationship helps you to cope with your loss. Plus, it gives the little fellow a home which he might not have otherwise.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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