Stop paying child support for adult kids

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This article was published 19/12/2015 (3943 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What is your take on parental alienation? In March of this year I filed for divorce after 31 years of a bad marriage. I worked outside the province and was home for a week every month, and all my ex and I did was fight. I was the breadwinner, making good money so she could stay at home and raise our three kids, the youngest who is now 18. We did our share of counselling, but that didn’t help.

I’m happier now that I have moved out. I pay her spousal and child support, and all three kids still live at home. My issue is that she was in agreement with the separation at the time, but has since turned vindictive and has dragged our children into her pity party. With all of her wailing and criticism, she has managed to turn them against me for wanting a divorce. I was even uninvited to my daughter’s graduation in June. They refuse to talk to me, see a counsellor and ignore my texts. Basically, I’m a bank machine and that’s it.

I still see a counsellor on my own, but I find myself starting to crumble, especially with Christmas just around the corner. I wanted out of the marriage, not out of my kids’ lives. They no longer want me in their lives because they feel sorry for their mom. Their hate for me just seems to worsen as the brainwashing continues. How do I end this? — Dad at the End of His Rope, Manitoba

Dear Dad at the End of His Rope: Why are you still paying child support for these grown-up kids? Are they going to university? Are you planning to pay spousal support forever?

It’s pretty easy for your wife and kids to throw dirty snowballs at “the banker” now that they think the financial foundation is about to crumble. As for the kids feeling warm and fuzzy toward you this Christmas, forget it this year. Maybe tale a trip to a sunspot with a buddy and do some thinking on the beach!

You say you didn’t want out of your kids’ lives. Were you ever in them? What did you give them, in terms of love and attention over the years? For all of their lives, you’ve been absent. Naturally, the kids are behind their mother like a small army.

If you want to soften things with the kids, you have to go through her, so be practical: money seems to speak to your ex and you have lots of it. How about a very generous one-time settlement with her so she can “retire” if she wants to, with enough money that the kids can still get a good education?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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