Stop playing passive-aggressive games

Opinion

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This article was published 21/03/2016 (3460 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I keep losing my cars keys and my wife gets mad at me. She has now invented all these ways to make sure car keys are always available, such as having extra ones all around the house, or on a ridiculous long (girly-looking) key chain.

I still manage to lose my keys at least once a month when I’m out on my own or at work. She says I do it on purpose and I swear I don’t, but when I was having a serious conversation with a buddy of mine who has two psychology degrees, he asked me, in an encouraging tone of voice, “What would you like to get even with your wife for, but you can’t? What does your wife inconvenience you with, all the time?” I actually came up with a number of things she does that tick me off, and I have no recourse, but I can get her really mad over the keys!

— Key Loser, Windsor Park

Dear Key Loser: “I still manage to lose my car keys” is the revealing phrase to me. So, you still “manage” to get her back passive-aggressively once a month. Here’s how to end the key fighting: read up on passive-aggressive behaviour. Confront her about the things she does that make you angry that you feel you can’t fault her for or get her to stop doing. See if you can work a trade or a compromise deal. At least with those things out on the table, there’s hope for a shift on both your sides. Just knowing the games you two are playing, and naming them to to each other, can help things to resolve.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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