Calm barking neighbours with apology

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/03/2016 (3523 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My puppy sometimes pees on the floor when he gets excited, and since everybody makes such a fuss over him, it happens quite frequently. He is only a few months old. Yesterday I took him for a walk, and this old lady who lives two doors down said to him, “Come in and get a doggie biscuit, sweetie-cakes!” She has an old dog herself. We went in and sure enough my puppy was so excited about the biscuit, he peed on her shiny, clean floor.

She started yelling at him in an awful voice, “Bad dog! Bad dog!” and I started yelling at her to stop yelling at my puppy because “he’s only a baby.” Her thug of a husband came downstairs and said, “Get that stupid mutt out of here!” I lost it completely, and screamed at him to shut up. I picked up my dog, who had now peed a second time because he was so scared, and went home to my husband and told him my story. I was so outraged. When I finished, he laughed. He even got me to repeat the good parts and I started laughing, too. But now, what do I do about the neighbours?

— Hate Being At Odds, St. James

Dear Hate Being At Odds: Offer fake apologies with a card — mailed, so you don’t have to go into their yard — and never see them again, except to say hello when you walk by their house. And that’s all you are required to give in order to keep peace. You were not close friends to begin with, so that lady can keep her loud mouth, doggie biscuits, shiny floor and lout of a husband to herself. Not that you’re upset or anything.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
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