Challenge husband to dye his hair first

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This article was published 16/05/2016 (3786 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants me to dye my hair red. I might think that’s a kick, but but all his family members have red hair — his mother, his dad and his two sisters. I thought it was a weird request after two years of marriage. I have light brown hair with a few blond streaks, which I really like. What should I say to him?

— Happy with Honey Blonde, Wolseley

Dear Happy with Honey Blonde: Make him a deal: he will dye his hair like yours first, then say you’ll dye yours red a week later. Don’t worry — it won’t get to that. He’ll say, “That’s just stupid!” You shrug your shoulders, and say, “The offer stands.” Then walk away, and let him think about it. He won’t be dying his precious red hair.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was in bed for three days, heartsick. My fiancé broke up with me and I called in sick with the flu. Why would I go to work when all I could do was cry? We were supposed to have a summer wedding. Yesterday, I got a call from my boss saying she knew about the breakup and she sympathized, but she needed me to get back to work, as they had a crisis.. She said she would be OK with some crying in the bathroom, but they were inundated with work that only I could do. I went that afternoon and everyone knew. I got a lot of sympathy then dug into the urgent pile. I worked like I’d never worked before in my life to keep the pain away so I wouldn’t break down.

Here’s what I now realize: if I had stayed in bed all week, I would have sunk lower and lower. At work, I felt needed and supported, and the work was actually therapeutic. By the end of the week, after two days of work, I felt more like my old self again. I even volunteered to come into work Saturday to try to catch us up. My boss was very happy to hear that, and she came in, too. We’re not a big company, and it is busy season for our sales. I was (and still am) hurting and it is hard to cancel the wedding plans and try to decide what to do about the beautiful wedding dress which I already picked up. It’s at my girlfriend’s house because I can’t stand to look at it.

Work saved me, and I know I will make it now. I actually thank my boss for that.

— Getting Better Every Day, Winnipeg

Dear Getting Better Every Day: Breakup pain is one thing, and depression is waiting around the corner if you stay at home alone too long with your broken heart and broken dreams. There’s nothing worse than the bridal dump, but in any breakup, you can benefit by going back to work as soon as you can get your head up.

You quickly realize you are so much more than someone’s fiancée. And good for your boss, calling you up when she knew the truth! Some would argue a boss has no right to call up an employee who says she’s sick, asking her to come back to work. Lots of bosses are OK with a mental-health day, but there are some kinds of illness — such as being heartsick —that respond well to have something important to do.

It can also help to have people around you who are sympathetic and are especially kind, but still need you to help them with work. When my first marriage broke up, I had two kids under the age of four to support with my column, and I had to host and speak at a seminar three days later where everyone had already paid their money. Oddly enough, although I ached from head to foot, it was the best seminar I ever delivered because I was so passionate, being loaded with nervous energy. People were inspired and crowded around after, and thanked me. I walked away knowing I would not only survive, but thrive.

And here’s a little tip: ask your girlfriend to sell your wedding dress online, and give her a percentage. Selling the dress yourself is an additional pain you don’t need.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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