Focus on cotton-pickin’ positive aspects

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This article was published 01/06/2016 (3458 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just had one of those encounters where you later think, “Hey, wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!”

It was raining. All seats on the bus were filled. I collapsed my umbrella and pointed it down so it wouldn’t poke anyone or drip. My purse and tote bag were slung over my shoulder and I held on to a pole in my other hand. I must have inadvertently nudged a seated young woman in the head because she said, snippily, “Could you watch your bags?” No, “please.” No recognition that this wasn’t something I was doing on purpose. There wasn’t anything hard or sharp in the bags.

I said sorry and lowered my bags to my hand. She just put her earbuds back in and left her shoulder bag dangling into the aisle. After a few people got off, a young man told me there was an open seat at the back so I took one.

But then I started thinking. I don’t blame the young woman for not wanting to get conked in the head, but on the other hand, instead of sitting there bitching, it would have been much more useful if she would have offered her seat to me, the lady twice her age, who could then have sat down and placed her bags in her lap.

— Cotton-Pickin’ Minute, Manitoba

Dear Cottin Pickin’ Minute: The seated young woman did get conked by you, that’s why she squawked and didn’t say “please” or offer you her seat. A young man did find you a seat. That was nice. How about we concentrate on him? What a sweetheart that person was.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think men and women both cheat, in almost the same proportions. They cheat because their emotional and sexual needs are not being met. I grew up on advice columnists telling troubled people to get counselling to uncover their issues and to work them out. You do readers a disservice by going to a knee-jerk answer of “toss the guy.”

The success rate of second marriages is lower than for first marriages. The proportion of women in poverty is very high after divorce. I know of several charming, attractive, professionally successful and financially comfortable (on their own earning power) divorced women. They have dated for years looking for a “good man.” My guess is that available candidates will not line up for twice-divorced women (or men) when there are other “less-baggage, fewer complications” candidates to consider.

— SY, Winnipeg

Dear SY: 1. I often suggest people get out of cheating relationships — whether they are dating seriously, engaged or married — when there are no children yet. Hopefully, they can find someone better to have kids with. 2. Women cheat a lot less than men after they have children and a family to try to keep together. 3. As for “candidates” for adult singles, there are a lot more available single-again people of both sexes, and they can meet online. 4. Cheating men are more likely to stick around if they’re allowed to, to stay close to their children, but they want continued sex, way more than the woman does. 5. Men who have been faithful but were cheated on will still have sex with the wife they’re living with, for physical release, but now see the cheating door as open, thinking, “Well, why not? She did it to me.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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