Talk about wife’s problems when she’s in a good mood

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This article was published 08/06/2016 (3451 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife was feeling insecure about her body again the other night, and that’s never good for me. She’s looking for a fight. I usually try to hide in the basement and do some woodworking. She came down to the basement and told me to stop.

She asked me if her breasts were too big for the rest of her body. I laughed and said they could never be too big. Then, she mentioned one was larger than the other, and had I noticed? I foolishly said yes and that it didn’t bother me. Then she said, “Why should it bother anyone?” What!? I knew I was in trouble. I put my hands up in a gesture of defence and said, “I don’t care how you look. It’s what’s inside that counts.” Wrong again!

She said, “You say that because you can’t honestly say you love everything about the way I look.” I told her I would love her if she was a rail or weighed 500 pounds. She replied, “Oh really? I wouldn’t love you if you were 500 pounds because you wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed.” I threw my hands way up in the air and said, “I can’t win. I’m going out. Call me when you calm down.” I left to the sound of her crying. Great.

She never did call me. I came home at 2 a.m. from gambling at the casino and she was in our bedroom with the door locked. The next morning we kind of made up. I don’t know how to handle these arguments, and I hate to say this, but they follow her menstrual cycle. If I tell her to go to the doctor about it, she’s going to scream again. The only other option seems to be finding an excuse to vacate the premises. What do you think?

— Moody Monthlies, St. Vital

Dear Moody Monthlies: Many women suffer from mood swings during premenstrual days, starting even a week or so before the period. It is very tough for them physically and emotionally on certain days, especially with bloating and cramps. Unfortunately, you are the closest person to take it out on, and your wife does so because she feels it’s safer than someone who doesn’t care about her.

She really does need to see her doctor and perhaps get a referral to a gynecologist who can help her out, but flinging that suggestion at her when she’s upset will make her reject the idea. If you talk to her when she’s feeling good, you’ll have better luck. If there are things a doctor could do to alleviate her symptoms, it would be beneficial for both of you.

As for dealing with her when she’s pushing for another argument, say, “I love you, but I know where this argument is headed, so for both our sakes I’m not going to engage with you.” If you’re lucky, you have a dog who is always in need of a walk. Go for one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On the bus the other day, this woman sitting facing me started mouthing words right at me. I didn’t know what she was saying, but this man who was standing by us told me the woman was saying a bunch of vulgar insults. “She must be crazy. You should move.” I said thanks, and quickly moved to the back. Should I have reported her to the bus driver?

— Scared Girl, Age 17, Winnipeg

Dear Scared Girl: The best thing to do is go right up to the bus driver tell him or her that someone is mouthing insults to you and ask what you should do. The bus driver will be trained in dealing with passengers who have mental problems, and will instruct you on the safest move, even if it means standing right there beside the front door until your stop arrives.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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