Loving her means breaking up with the bottle

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This article was published 13/06/2016 (3446 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been a heavy drinker all my life and it’s caused problems with my siblings. I never got married, but had a stream of women who also drank in my life over the years. Now I’ve fallen for this woman who says I have to quit the heavy drinking if I want to be with her. I’m not sure I can do that. She didn’t say I had to quit altogether, but the truth is if there’s a bottle on the table I’ll drink it all night until it’s gone and I pass out.

I don’t know what to say to her. She has bewitched me and I think I’m really falling in love. I know she would like me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, but she’s not saying I have to. I don’t know if I can do that for her anyway. I know I don’t want to. I love drinking.

— In Love with a Woman and The Bottle Too, Selkirk

Dear In Love: You better level with her that you love drinking, have no intention of stopping, and that’s why you’ve stayed single all these years. Do this before you fall even deeper in love with her, disappoint her and yourself, and get depressed and drink even more. You can drink yourself to death, as you probably know.

If you must have this woman in your life, then you’ll need to go to rehab and get rid of your addiction safely. Stopping cold turkey after drinking so much for so long could be dangerous. We both know vowing you’ll just drink a little is a joke. No matter what you do, you should see your physician ASAP and talk to someone at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (204-944-6200).

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is an idiot, but he’s my idiot. He drinks and smokes and plays poker too much, but I love that he’s been so loving and generous to me and his kids for so long. Then along came his mid-life crisis this spring in the form of a cheap-looking, recently divorced redhead in her 30s hired by him two months ago as an executive-assistant. All of a sudden he’s dressing up to go to work. He’s the boss and works in the back office, and always went to work in a golf shirt and jeans. Now he has a real wardrobe, got a nice hair cut and has been hitting the gym to get rid of his gut.

This morning a close friend of mine phoned to say she thought about it all night, and decided she needed to tell me. She spotted my husband’s truck with special plates at a restaurant out of town by a lake. She almost went in to say hi and then she saw him coming out with a red-haired woman “And they were looking real chummy, holding hands and then they were kissing big-time in the truck.”

I’m no dummy. I know who that was, and now I have a choice to make. I can start seeing this friend of mine who has always wanted to be more than a friend and has always made my husband jealous, or I can call my husband out on being with the redhead. I could divorce him and take half his money, which is a lot. Please write back quickly.

— S.O.S., Winnipeg

Dear S.O.S.: Forget the revenge plot. You would be using and destroying the male friend, who has been hoping for you for years. Also, it might take some time for the news to get back to your husband (the idiot you love). Once he finally hears of your affair, he might be so mad the whole plan backfires and he would be happy to lose you and stick with Red. It’s better to call him out on this dalliance right now. That’s how long-term marriages work best — by not playing games.

First, call a domestic lawyer, not the family lawyer you share with your husband. Then tell your husband you’ve noticed the changes in him, and now someone you know has seen him with this woman from the office, having dinner, holding hands and passionately kissing in the truck. Ask him what he wants to do about it because you “have to tell the family as you’ll be needing their support.”

You have the dirty details already. He will know you’re serious and his place in the family is in jeopardy. Then ask him in this order: 1) How much his business is worth? 2) How much his intact happy family is worth? 3) How much the redhead is worth? Then tell him confidently — no weeping and wailing — that she has to be gone from work and his life that day if he wants to keep you, the family, his money and his lifestyle.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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