Set chubby geek free and go back to being shallow

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/09/2016 (3671 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man with a big dog, a house and a fabulous job. He is tall, intelligent and good-looking, but he didn’t do it for me. Then I met a dweeby guy I really liked, but he doesn’t fit into that picture of a beautiful lifestyle I saw with the first guy I described.

Dweeby guy is kind of cute and very funny, but he is not likely to make beautiful babies and give me a lifestyle like the first guy. Still, I keep going out with the short, chubby-faced man. He calls his fat face a cherubic countenance. I end up in bed with him over and over again. He’s good at that aspect! I am not the kind of person to fall head over heels for anybody. I come from a well-to-do family and am used to a certain lifestyle; I want that for me and my future children. What do you think?

—Torn, Southdale

Dear Torn: What’s it like swimming in the shallow end of the pool? You need to leave dweeby guy alone, because you’re a waste of his time. He’s a sweetheart and you will only wear away his self-esteem. Hunt down another GQ guy you like better personality-wise and cut a deal with him for marriage, kids and property. He’ll need a prenuptial agreement. Let the cute, funny guy find a woman who loves him to bits and thinks he gets better-looking every day.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Such a Mess, whose husband dislikes her second child conceived while she was cheating on him. Ninety per cent of western history and law has been influenced by who your father is, but her first reaction is wondering how she can sleep with her husband when he’s not good to the love child she conceived by another man?

You and I might agree that men are not as nurturing as most females, but let me ask this: if the love child in this situation were his by another woman, how readily would Such a Mess become the mommy? The knife cuts both ways.

Please recognize that every time he looks at the love child he sees he has been cuckolded (as does every other man). He sees his failure to hang on to his wife. He feels shame. It is not the child or the mother the man has anger or loathing for, it is himself.

— My Take as a Man, Winnipeg

Dear My Take as a Man: It doesn’t matter what the excuses are for his being cold and mean to this love child. And I still wonder at a woman who could let her husband treat one of the children under their roof as shameful, not as good or even disgusting. And this woman keeps sleeping with this man who mistreats the child!

It is the primary responsibility of a loving parent to get children away from a situation where they suffer. This woman, who loves children from two different men, should get the children living safely with her and see the ex-husband she still wants to see outside the family unit if she can’t let go of him. A kid’s home should be a protected place. This little kid, who did not ask to be an affair child, should receive a loving upbringing from the mom. Too bad she couldn’t break away from this husband altogether.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am sick to death of going to the damn lake every weekend: the prep, the loading, the drive, the entertaining, the cleaning, the reloading, the drive back and the laundry. Rinse and repeat every weekend.

My husband loves the lake and is begging me to finish out the season with him, but summer could go on until the end of September. How do I get out of this loop?

—Worn Out Wife With Kids and Him, River Heights

Dear Worn Out Wife: Suggest a weekend at the lake with just him and his male friends to go fishing and play cards. Tell your husband you’re worn out and need a break so you don’t end up hating the lake experience. That might scare him. There’s no reason you should be letting yourself be forced to keep going now. School is starting and you need to get the kids prepped for class and extra-curricular activities. Ask him if he wants to do that work instead, and you can take your girlfriends to the lake for a spa weekend. His answer will be “Nooooooo!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography