Time to face facts, flatulence is funny

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/09/2016 (3383 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This afternoon after eating their favourite lunch — hot bowls of spicy chili — at the cabin, my three boys were howling over a farting contest down at the dock. (I’m sorry for the word, but I don’t know another one.) I sent their dad down to talk to them about it, and that was a dead loss. I heard him laughing and it was another, “Don’t tell your mom” incident, which didn’t help. Why are boys and men like this, while girls and women would not dream of such a stupid contest? I just don’t get it. — Disgusted By All of Them, Lake Manitoba

Dear Disgusted: Little boys see farts as homemade ammunition to “get” other guys. They consider farting very funny, and I hate to tell you, but this continues through junior high school at least, and tapers off for most when they get interested in impressing girls. Some men will always get a laugh out of a good fart, though.

Your husband remembers the fun he had when he was a boy, so he’s not going to be able to keep a straight face when he tells them to cool it. It certainly doesn’t disgust him. They will (probably) grow out of these contests and laughfests as adults, but don’t ever expect guys to react the same way to the sport of farting and fart jokes the same way women do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found a love note in my jacket pocket when I got home from work signed Anonymous Admirer. It was a declaration of love from one of my co-workers. I work at a big office, but I’m not in a private office so lots of people would have access to my jacket if they were careful.

Don’t ask me if it’s from a man or a woman, as we have a mixed bag of people working here. I also can’t tell if it’s from someone young or old. I’m almost 30, but I look younger. I don’t know if it’s a joke or not. I just feel weirded out. It was short but passionate, saying what he or she would like to do for me — not sex really — but the detailed description of a French kiss. The description looks bad in words.

I don’t want to take it to the boss because he is also flirty towards me. I don’t want to brag, but I’m a good-looking woman who dresses well every day and smells good. It doesn’t take much to stand out in the working world as most people come to work these days in schlumpy clothes.

I wonder if my boss could be thinking I am dressing for him, or is someone across the office or from another floor secretly wanting me and watching for a chance when I’m away from my jacket? I feel self-conscious and don’t know what to do. Please help! — Victim of Anonymous Note, Industrial Park

Dear Victim of Anonymous Note: Since you work in a big company, take the note to human resources, express how you feel and ask what to do. HR may tell you to do nothing and it will take care of it.

A notice about professional conduct might go out and this will be taken care of impersonally. (Good thing for you.)

And don’t change your personal office dress style to schlumpy, just carry on as you are. This could be the immature tribute of someone younger than you, so don’t naturally suspect your boss who would have something to lose over behaviour like this.

There is no need to be scared since it could be an innocent crush, but do keep your eyes and ears open for clues about who it could be. Someone who’s waiting for a response may get tired of waiting and ask some revealing questions of you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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