Stop making plays for single dads at hockey practices

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/10/2016 (3290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband doesn’t want to have sex and I love having sex more than anything. We have three kids to prove it. There is nothing wrong with his male apparatus — all is in good working order and he’s only 39. We have children who are growing up and I’m not looking to get pregnant, I just want to have sex three or four times a week. I believe three is average for married couples in Canada, but I swear most of them lie if we go by my married girlfriends’ reports.

I have given my husband every chance in the world and offered all kinds of gimmicks and role-playing to liven things up, but he just looks the other way and tells me to get real. Last night I reached the end and said, “Yes, I will get real with somebody else if you don’t want me anymore.”

He said, “Right. I’ll want you more, right after you go back to work and start bringing in some money to feed and clothe this house full of kids. I’m bloody tired at night, working overtime.”

It’s not like I’m fat and ugly or anything, so at hockey practices I started looking around and there are a few single dads there. As an experiment, I slid my wedding ring off and started talking to these guys. This is a new team for my son, so it’s a whole new groups of adults — mostly dads bringing the boys. I found out it was way more fun talking to them with a bare finger. I just consider it practice for when I might need it down the road. Do you think there’s any problem with this? I’m just lonely and having some fun.

— Rejected Love Partner, Winnipeg

Dear Rejected: It’s not fun when your son talks about his dad and one of these single dads asks him about where his dad lives and he says, “With my mom.” You could be busted way before you know that people are talking about you being the big married flirt at hockey practices. If the word gets around and your son hears it, he will be hurt by loose talk about it.

You need to keep this problem between you and your husband and push for a solution. If you went to counselling — even alone — he might start to take things seriously. At the moment, we know he deeply resents being overworked while you are a stay-at-home mom. Having to support everyone financially when other parents split the financial load is too much for him. That may be why he’s on strike as a lover. To start things happening in the bedroom again, get a part-time job and see how that goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I spent the whole summer in the sand dunes under the moon making love at night and now it’s getting too cold. Last night, I suggested we get in the back seat of the car and she acted as if I’d insulted her. Apparently, she’s not that kind of girl. It’s all right in her mind to do it in a romantic place, such as outside under the stars, but feels degraded in the back seat of a car on a back road. I suggested getting a motel room and she said: “Are you out of your mind? We can’t afford a motel room. Anyways, that’s disgusting.” I’ve only known her six months, so I’m not suggesting she move in with me somewhere. Is she trying to get me to marry her?

— Too Young at 19, Manitoba

Dear Too Young at 19: Maybe she would like to marry you. If she outright hints at moving in together, don’t be pressured into that. The next natural step is marriage and you’re too young to be on that trip. Ask your girlfriend where she would consider a good place to make love in the fall, winter and spring. It sounds like you both live in your parents’ houses and have nowhere to go unless the folks are away. Tell her you would be happy with anywhere. All you want is a cosy, warm place to make love with each other. Leave the ball in her court. Maybe she’ll get a little place of her own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out with my wife to a restaurant dead tired after a long double shift and fell asleep in the car while she drove. She went in, ordered food to go, and brought it to the car. I was still asleep. She drove me home, woke me up — I was startled — and walked me into the house like I was an old drunk. Then she put me into bed and kissed me on the ear — for some reason I remember that — and I slept all night until 10 in the morning. At that time I had a shower, was wide awake and felt so badly about our dinner date. She was out running to practise for a marathon.

When she came home, I had reheated all our restaurant food, and had already noticed a box of KD in the garbage. I guess she had that the night before so we could eat our gourmet food together. Now that’s real love, isn’t it? We’ve been together for 17 years and I love her more every day.

— So Grateful I Met Her, Selkirk

Dear So Grateful: It is good for me and readers to see your story, reminding everybody that true love does exist and grows with treatment as kind and thoughtful as this. May you have many more decades of warm love. Thanks for writing in!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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