There were no ‘supplies’ between her thighs

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/10/2016 (3286 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I went to the lake to clean out the cottage for the season. He made excuses and went to town five minutes later for “supplies.” When he didn’t come back for 90 minutes, I got on my bike and rode into town. I didn’t see his truck on the main drag, so I pedalled around the streets and found it at a cottage. The porch door was open a little bit, so I walked in, heard noises and discovered my husband in bed with a woman I half-recognized from the beach.

I screamed like I was being murdered and he yelled out, “This isn’t what it looks like!” I could definitely see what they were doing! I took his truck — I also have keys to it — and drove back to the city. By the time he got back later that night, I already had the locks changed. He is at his mother’s and I just sent over garbage bags of his clothes so he can damn well stay out of my house. It’s in my name and I have owned it forever. How do I get him to stop phoning? I will never take him back. Above all, I want to keep my house.

I knew this is how his relationship before me broke up, but I was a fool and thought this charming devil was in love with me and we got married to prove it. So what happened?

— Broken Mess, Winnipeg

Dear Broken Mess: He reverted to his wild old ways after some years of being tamed. Once he walked out of the cage, he remembered all his old behaviours and he liked them. “What she/he doesn’t know won’t hurt her/him,” is what habitual cheaters say about mates they actually care about or even love.

Since you are totally finished, you don’t need to talk to him yourself, but you do need to change/block phone numbers and communicate through your lawyers. Get the best domestic lawyer you can afford. And, in fairness, make arrangements for your new ex to get things he owns, such as certain pieces of furniture, electronics and musical instruments, sent to his mother’s place or a storage locker.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m deeply in love with an ugly dog. He is disobedient, sneaky about food and sprawls all over the bed. He barks when he shouldn’t and forgets to bark if someone comes to the door. But I love him to death. Why can’t I love a man this way: unconditionally with all my heart? I am so critical when it comes to men. It seems I want them to be perfect. I’m not perfect — far from it — and I wouldn’t want to be held to such high standards. What is wrong with me?

— Married to My Dumb Dog? Fort Garry

Dear Married to My Dumb Dog: Your dumb dog loves you madly and unconditionally and looks at you with adoring eyes every day. He doesn’t care how you look; he will lick your cheeks if you’re crying and stand guard when you are ill. So you get the unconditional love given to you first and it’s guaranteed for life.

With humans, there’s the whole courting dance and it involves a fair amount of critical evaluation. It’s difficult to enjoy a boyfriend for everything he is naturally when you think it might have consequences — that you’ll end up in a complicated life with a person who is the co-parent of your babies and who has criticisms of you. You just have to be a lot more discerning than when choosing a dog.

So how about choosing the middle road where you give new men in your life the room to be just who they are without being self-conscious and they, in turn, let you be yourself?

Let that go on for a few months. Don’t start the evaluation process in week one unless he’s clearly a jerk on the first date.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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