When snakes are a sore spot between you and her

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/10/2016 (3634 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been reading about pets and relationship problems in your columns. I have a snake problem. I live on an acreage, which has a lot of outdoor pets and indoor reptiles. My newest girlfriend is nervous about all of them and says stupid stuff like, “Aren’t you afraid one of the snakes will get out, and end up in our bed?” I reassure her that’s not the snake she really needs to be concerned about — my little joke. She doesn’t laugh.

Last night I took out my favourite pet snake, and I was just handling it gently as it wound around my arm, and she started freaking out and calling me names for being who I am. I said, “You know what? Put on your coat and drive your car home. We’re done!” Well, she got in her car all right and drove straight to the bar where my friends hang out and told everybody she needed a stiff drink. She whined about me and my pets, sharing really personal information.

A female friend called me from the bar and told me I might want to get over there. I walked in the door and she was badmouthing a lot more than the snakes — like me as a lousy lover (not true) and the “mini-macho man” (maybe true as I’m short). She’d gotten herself roaring drunk. I told her we were through again, and she said, “Over a bunch of dirty snakes? Ha ha ha!” Then she slung herself off a stool and fell down. A friend picked her up, threw her in her car and drove her home.

Now, she’s calling me like nothing has happened and she claims she can’t remember what she said, so I should overlook it, as just “one of those crazy nights”?

I don’t want to be alone, and I’m not that good-looking or anything, and I’m getting weaker. Should I overlook what she said to those people? — Lonely Macho Man, Near Winnipeg

Dear Lonely: A person’s got to have some standards. This woman doesn’t deserve a continued relationship with you, especially if she has blackouts and doesn’t remember the nasties she’s said about you. Or, she actually lies about the blackouts, to get away with things. Who wants to get further involved with that hot mess? You can do better.

Get through the initial weeks of hurt, anger and loneliness by making yourself go out, or inviting friends over to watch sports or play poker, or both. And after you’ve calmed down, go online and look for someone who enjoys country living and mention right out front about your reptiles. You’re in it to win it this time, by looking in the right places.

Whatever you do when your heart’s still hurting, don’t get drunk, as it only makes it easier to pick up the phone. Also, stay away from “your” pub, where she will more than likely be lying in wait to ambush you, snake that she is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m sad about losing my auntie who was very special to me. I’m old enough to be an auntie and even have some nieces and nephews but have always been on the receiving end, not the giving. I have just moved to Winnipeg and want to get closer with these kids but am not sure where to start in a city. I have a job, but not a ton of money. — Junior Auntie, Winnipeg

Dear Junior Auntie: Access all the “free fun kids activities” online and you will find lots to do. Also look at Downtown BIZ activities, Halloween farms and mazes and community centre billboards. Not everything is free but maybe you can team up with other moms and aunties in the family. Show your willingness in this new role, and ask the moms for lists of what their kids like to do at home, like baking cookies, safe science experiments, board games and puzzles. Skip the “screens” and go for activities you can do to bond together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My grandmother is very sweet but quite the fuzzy brain these days. She’s still lots of fun but doesn’t remember what happened yesterday. But along ago? Another question! She’s less inhibited in talking too. Yesterday she told me all about meeting my handsome grandfather and the great sex they had in a car before they got married! I gulped, but went on listening. Is it wrong of me not to shush her when she talks about inappropriate things she wouldn’t have mentioned before? — Big Ears Flapping, Winnipeg

Dear Big Ears: No, just suspend critical judgment and go along for the ride. I once spent a lovely afternoon in Gimli beside a lovely lady who lost her memory, and as each of her grown kids came past, including one I used to date, she’d make uninhibited comments about them — as if she’d never seen them before. We had so much fun! It was way better than shushing her like a child. She was no child, but she just didn’t remember what had happened in the short term. Who cared? We had a blast and laughed until our stomachs ached.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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