Don’t ruin younger wife’s fun by being an old fogie

Opinion

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This article was published 18/10/2016 (3280 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife tells me we have been invited to a special Halloween party and she is making our secret costumes, as are all the wives for their guys. They are up to no good, and I don’t like secrets and surprises. She only sews when I’m not around. I know a few of the husbands involved in this and they don’t know what’s going on either.

Shouldn’t my wife respect the fact I don’t like being kept in the dark and I’m a respected professional and will not let anyone make a mockery out of me? She says I’m acting like an old fogie, which is a sore spot since I’m almost 20 years older than her. So, I have been trying to break her down to tell me. The worst part is waiting for the day to find out if I am going to look like a complete fool or not. Shouldn’t she respect her husband enough not to hide things?

— Extremely Annoyed, Winnipeg

Dear Extremely Annoyed: How bad can it be? It’s Halloween. You’ll be in costume — disguised. Bring a black mask to add to the costume if you’re worried you’ll be recognized in pictures.

Frankly, you are acting like an old fogie, so stop! Stop before you ruin things for the Halloween party these wives are having so much fun planning, and especially stop for the sake of your wife.

Take a taxi and plan to have a few drinks, some food and have a laugh. Meanwhile, apologize for being a stick-in-the-mud, encourage your young wife and make it a fun Halloween party.

P.S. I wouldn’t give this advice to a couple of the same age, but the biggest risk you run in a marriage with a 20-year difference is acting like a father instead of a fun and loving husband and losing her love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife didn’t come home last Saturday night. She said she stayed at her girlfriend’s house and slept off some over-drinking, passed out and forgot to phone. You don’t know how much I want to believe her, but not to phone at all? She smelled like some guy’s soap and she came in the door at 7 a.m. with damp hair.

I know what cheating smells like, and I am also familiar with the old trick of trying to make the person you’ve cheated on feel sorry for you. “I thought you’d be glad I didn’t drive home drunk,” were the words she used on me. I told her that was what I told my first wife when I cheated on her. She couldn’t think of anything to say back, except, “I can’t talk to you!” and she went in the bathroom, locked the door and didn’t come out.

When she finally faced me, she sounded like a defence lawyer. So now I know she’s cheating on me, but I really don’t want her to leave me. She is the love of my life. Please help.

— Former Cheater, Now Reformed, Winnipeg

Dear Former Cheater: Try to talk to her about how she feels about your marriage in general, and what both of you could do differently to be happy and keep it together. Let her think she’s gotten away with it for now, since she is the love of your life.

This may seem like an impertinent question, but have you cheated on her even once during your marriage? If you have she may have noticed it, and allowed herself some payback with this. If you can’t work things out, spring for a relationship counsellor for both of you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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