Schedule sex, save a marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/10/2016 (3638 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a wonderful guy, but he’s young and has the sexual energy of three men. I don’t want to have sex every night and every morning — that would be 14 times a week if I let him — I only want it once a week. I used to want it as much as he did, three or four times a week before we were married. I had my own place then, and didn’t sleep with him every day and had natural “breaks” when both of us were doing other activities.

I’m tired of having to say no to him. I’m tired of his “going after me” all the time. I sigh deeply when I get into the bed because it’s like reporting for work. I don’t want to always be in the position of saying no and having him sulking and disappointed. I almost wish he had a second wife — not a lover, but someone who helped with sexual duties.

I talked to some of my girlfriends and one of them has the same situation and she hates it, too. We are not household appliances where you turn the knobs and turn us on.

What can we do? I didn’t sign on to live here and be sexually harassed seven to 10 times a week. This is a serious problem and I’m thinking I may have to leave him before we have any kids to keep us together. Please help! — Harassed By Husband, Westwood

Dear Harassed: Sex schedules are not very sexy sounding, but they have saved marriages. If your husband is always anxious he might not get enough sex, work it out so he knows which three or four days or nights are guarantees.

Then he might be OK to leave you alone, knowing the next night is a sure thing. Yes, that means having sex about every second night as a compromise position, or two nights a week and two weekend trysts.

Let’s also ask the readers to help you: “How have you solved your difference in sexual desire?” If anyone has a suggestion, please write to the address below.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Six weeks ago, I hurt my leg (again) in a cycling accident with traffic. My wife was helpful and attentive, even though she said she was “scared and sick to death” about my cycling accidents. This week, she’s acting as if the leg problem is my problem alone and she isn’t offering any help or sympathy.

Yesterday, we got into a fight about it, and she said, talking slowly to me as if I am a child: “There’s a clear answer to this. This is your third accident. Stop cycling in the city with cars all around you. Take the bus to work.”

Easy for her to say! I love my biking life and it includes feeling alive and alert before I get to work. The bike makes me a high-performer in my competitive workplace. Get rid of my bike? No way! So what can I do? — Cycling Nut, West Broadway

Dear Cycling Nut: Analyze your accidents and stop doing what doesn’t work. Maybe you need to figure out a new route that avoids the favourite, highly travelled routes.

The less traffic, the fewer chances you take. And, when there are no traffic jams to deal with, you may make better time.

There’s no reason you should have to stop using your bicycle if you get clever about your route — although it’s hard to avoid the congested bridges in River City.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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