Sober ex is back and wants another chance

Opinion

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This article was published 28/10/2016 (3271 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have to choose between two great men, and don’t know what to do. I was ready to get engaged to my new boyfriend of eight months around Christmas. Then my old boyfriend got wind of the seriousness of the relationship and flew home from Vancouver. He showed up at my door with 18 red roses to tell me he’d never stopped loving me and to beg me to give him another chance. He said he would fight for me! I had never stopped loving him either, but there was a problem — his drinking.

I would even venture to say I loved him more than this new man I’m considering marrying. They both want me so badly now. After we broke up 11 months ago due to my ex’s drinking, he was so heartbroken he got a transfer and moved away. He quit drinking altogether and goes to AA now. He said he planned to come back to me after his full year of sobriety and hopefully marry me. Should I give him that chance? — Tempted But Scared, Transcona

Dear Tempted But Scared: It’s clear who you want, though there’s risk involved — what if he starts drinking again? Still, your choice of a lifelong mate has to be a selfish choice, all about you, not to please a man or save him from disappointment. It must be an honest choice from your own heart.

Since you still love this old boyfriend and he claims he’s sober now, you probably should give it a try. If the new boyfriend was the right guy for you, you would know already and be telling this former love to go back to Vancouver and look for new love there.

If the old boyfriend doesn’t pan out, the new guy probably won’t likely be waiting. Not to worry — he wasn’t the No. 1 answer for you and true love could be behind Door No. 3 or 4.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got sick at a party and now my boyfriend is calling me Pooky (from pukey). Every time he calls me this, it brings up memories of what happened at that party in front of a bunch of people. How do I get him to stop? — Nobody’s Pooky, Fort Garry

Dear Nobody’s Pooky: Tell him: “I know you think this nickname is cute, but every time you say it, I recall the whole embarrassing incident. So, never call me that again. Call me by my real name.” 

If he persists, warn him you will come up with a nickname for him that makes him feel humiliated and embarrassed. If he has any insecurities at all that should stop him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out where my grown son is living. I had to give him up for adoption when I was 15. He knows where I live and has my number, too. I called him, but he was very cool on the phone. All I want is to see him at least once and tell him why I had to give him up, and that I have thought about him all my life. What should I do now? — Gotten Cold Shoulder, Winnipeg

Dear Gotten the Cold Shoulder: The first time an adopted person gets a call from the biological mother who gave him up — even if it’s expected — it’s a shock. A guy might come off sounding cool when he actually feels like crying and is speechless. Give it another chance. Call back and ask him if he would meet you for coffee, because you would like to explain to him how it all happened.

I’m guessing you both signed to meet so you could find each other, so he must be interested. Tell him the door is always open for a meeting and he doesn’t have to come alone if he would like to bring a friend or family member.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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