Cross-dressing husband too pretty for his wife

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This article was published 05/11/2016 (3621 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband (in his late 20s) revealed to me after a Halloween party where he went as a beautiful witch that he has secretly been cross-dressing for a few years. He shyly asked if he could leave his witch’s costume on in the bedroom. He took off the pointed hat, and kept on the wig, makeup, short dress and stockings and looked prettier than I did in my belly dancer outfit.

I tried to be a good sport, but I just ended up crying. I don’t want to feel like there are two women in the bed, especially when the one who is a real physical woman doesn’t look as pretty as the one who is a man. I am attracted to men dressed as men and feeling like men. Please help me. What should I do?

— Crying Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Crying Wife: A lot of fantasies can come out when people get into costume. You need to find out just how serious this is. Does your husband want to dress up as a woman once in a while with you, or does he want to go to cross-dressing parties alone, or with you? Or does he feel like he’s hiding a woman’s persona inside his male being, and that he has always felt like he was a woman, but couldn’t show it?

There can be a whole continuum, starting with curiosity, wishing and hoping, then dressing up alone, then perhaps wearing female costumes at Halloween and other events, then coming out to their partners, who are OK with it or not. That’s about where you are now. You need to know what your partner wishes for in the future, including possibly going to cross-dressing events and parties as a female couple.

Or is it much deeper? Some people really need to come out totally as the opposite gender, an identity they have felt deeply and been hiding for many years. It’s time for some heart-to-heart conversations to find out where things are heading and some specialized counselling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lady and I went to a Halloween party and had the difficult experience of meeting up with someone in a sexy costume I recognized instantly. It was my first wife, whom my mother calls “the tramp” for good reason. She broke my heart into a millions pieces with her drinking, flirting and cheating. Of course, she was dressed as a sexy belly dancer with everything showing. She was with her new husband and showing off a very large diamond ring set.

She’s ugly on the inside, but is still beautiful and sexy on the outside. She made a beeline for me and my fiancée, so I grabbed my lady and steered her outside to the back step. She asked why I did that and I told her my ex-wife was on her way to make trouble for us. She said she could take care of herself and hauled me back inside.

Sure enough, my ex-wife came over, grabbed my arm, peered at me and said, “And who’s this cute wee thing?” as if my wife were a child. Then my tiny wife — a women’s self-defence specialist — put her arm around my ex-wife’s waist, and brought her spiked heel down with force on her toes. She said, “Oh, excuse me! How clumsy of me,” and pulled me away as my ex-wife screamed, “She did that on purpose!” We jumped in the car, and took off. I think I’ll be safe from my ex from now on, don’t you?

— Protected By Cute Little Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Protected By Cute Little Wife: That was assault, so you better have a talk with your cute little wife about the ramifications of physical assault on other women, even ones like your ex-wife. And how about you stepping up to the plate yourself? All you needed to do when she grabbed your arm was to pry her off and say in an ice-cold voice: “Get your hands off me before I call your latest husband over to get you, and tell him about your history with me.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m allergic to many things and have Type 2 diabetes, so I don’t eat sweet stuff unless I make it myself. At a Halloween party, the host kept pushing sweet things on me such as her chocolate cupcakes with nuts sprinkled on top. I’m seriously allergic to certain nuts. I explained I could end up needing my EpiPen. She didn’t seem to care.

I knew she had quite a bit of whisky by then, but I am polite. Finally I just left. I don’t know how to handle people who are drunk and don’t listen. I just want to yell at them! I will never go back there again. How should I deal with people such as her who want me to eat deadly stuff, or else they will be offended?

— Had It With Pushy Hosts, Downtown

Dear Had It With Pushy Hosts: The party host who is pushing food that might be dangerous to you has already abandoned their side of the politeness contract. That leaves you free to abandon your side and be blunt. Since “no thanks” doesn’t work for pushy types, say, “Why are you being so rude and pushy with me when you know this food will hurt me?” You may not get another invitation from that hostess in this lifetime, but what have you lost? You weren’t planning on going back there anyway.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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