Conned by a one-night stand

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/11/2016 (3601 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It was payday and I met a woman all alone at a bar who seemed really nice, well-dressed and well-spoken. She said she worked nearby downtown and was waiting for a girlfriend from work to arrive in a few minutes. The girlfriend never showed up and I didn’t question it. I bought this nice woman her third and fourth drink because she said she had run out of cash since she wasn’t expecting to stay long. Things progressed and I paid for the cab ride to my place, then we got busy in the bedroom and when she left, I was asleep.

She had taken my wallet out of my pants, left it on the kitchen table and departed $200 richer. The note said, “Thanks.” At least she didn’t take my credit cards. I went back to the bar and the bartender said he had never seen her before. I would like to hear from former bartenders who have nothing to lose now. Do bartenders actually know these high-class con artists, or do they rarely return to the same place twice?

— Robbed on One-Night Stand, Winnipeg

Dear Robbed on One-Night Stand: Winnipeg is an average-sized city, but has at least 30 bars in nice hotels frequented by businessmen and travellers — guys who have decent dollars and often carry $100-$200 or more in cash. A woman could make the rounds, but that would be a lot of hassle. Smart ladies would try to find just a few favourite spots to frequent. They would also try to get a look at a guy’s wallet for cash possibilities. Did you have yours out earlier in the evening some time before you left? I invite former bartenders who know the ins and outs of how this works to write and instruct us on techniques of professionals who rob their one-night stands.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out for dinner with a delightful man I met online, who is overweight, as am I. But when we went out for our first dinner together, he was insistent on going to a buffet. I soon found out why. He heaped his plate like a mountain that would feed three people, and said ,“No point in wasting good food.” Then my date went back for a plate full of desserts for himself. When the bill came he wanted to go dutch. This was our first date and he had invited me! He threw down the exact cash for his food, including counting out coins.

I thought big eaters were known for their largesse in all things — fat and happy, generous to all. What was going on with him? When he asked for another date, right away I said “No thanks!” and got in my car and took off. He has emailed and asked me to explain why I wouldn’t see him a second time when we had such a nice conversation.

— Speechless, Winnipeg

Dear Speechless: For whatever reasons, this man is showing deep insecurity. He’s either nervous about not getting enough food, or he’s using food to sedate himself when he’s nervous. Or he’s just cheap and worried about not getting enough bang for his buck. You can bet by his size he’s always a big eater, but he may have been extra nervous on a first date and using food as sedation. A buffet wouldn’t cost him any more for overeating, so he planned ahead for that. He seems to need to hang on to his money tightly — another way to address insecurity.

As for calling back after a bad first date, you don’t owe him that. But if you do decide to say something, tell him you were shocked at the degree of his overeating and also by him wanting you to pay for a first date that he requested. Tell him, “Sorry, but I have to go now. I wish you well in your search.”

Send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography