Meet online suitor at neutral holiday destination

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This article was published 09/11/2016 (3599 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband passed away three years ago. I started an online chat with a guy from England on a games website in August. He has a grown son living with him, and a grown daughter who doesn’t. I’m on my own, but have grown kids and several grandkids. This man and I progressed to Facebook and Messenger, got more flirtatious, and in the fall got into sexting and recently having phone sex. Another comfort zone completely exceeded!

His birthday was in October, so prior to our phone call, I sent him an eight-second video of me clothed but sitting on the edge of my bed, for him to open on his birthday morning, wishing him a happy birthday. He keeps telling me I’m gorgeous based on my Facebook pictures, so thought I’d send him something more real and current. He loved it! We had a great phone call that afternoon in every way, but after that we were both busy and it ended up being 10 days with only a few short flirty messages back and forth. I had a sense maybe he was ready to quit this whole thing. So we talked.

He said he had been thinking of us and it was getting to the point where he could literally feel me in bed beside him at night. If we only lived about six hours apart he would be on the next plane, he said. But it is a round trip of 24 hours, and then we would want to get together every few weeks, and it wouldn’t be feasible. He still works. I’m retired. He sounded genuinely saddened, yet he said he’s looking into the possibility of joining me on my winter vacation somewhere when I go for a week this winter. What’s going on? Should I let this fizzle? I want a real relationship.

— Second Thoughts, Winnipeg

Dear Second Thoughts: What if he came to visit you in Canada for a week or two and it didn’t work and you were stuck with him? Why not say yes to the holiday — at least you’ll find out what he’s really like. As for a “real relationship,” it couldn’t happen unless you left your family here and moved to England, where he has a job. No, a holiday is better for now since you’re not on each other’s home territory. You could even book separate rooms in the same hotel. If you’re great together, you could bounce between the two hotel rooms. If not, you’re not forced to be together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I travel a lot for business. I always see the same guy while waiting at the airport here in Winnipeg. It has become a joke. He waves at me and I wave at him. Recently he came over and we talked and had a laugh. He asked if I were married and I said yes (although I’m not) so he wouldn’t hit on me. He said, “Let’s not exchange last names. This is such a small city. We’re probably related.” So I played along.

Every time we meet, he says, “Hi. Are you still married?” I say yes and he sits down and we chat about this and that. Now I’m starting to really like this guy. He has no ring, but that means nothing. He never talks about kids or family.

Today he said, “Hello, darling. Are you still married?” and I said, “No, I never was. I just say that so I don’t get hit on in airports.” Then I asked if he was married, and after a moment of silence said he was. “Yes, with kids. Too bad, eh?” And to my embarrassment, some tears ran out of my eyes. Now what?

— Unexpected Hurt, Winnipeg

Dear Unexpected Hurt: Games can be hurtful, even when they seem protective at first. You’re going to have to forget him, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to tell him you are done with flirting, to find out his last name, to ask about the reality of his family life and even see some photos of his wife and kids. Each real answer and photo will pour much-needed cold water over your head. Ouch! His poor wife!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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