She wants group sex, but her guy says no

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/12/2016 (3216 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Readers: Holiday time is now upon us. The height of the season lasts about a week until New Year’s Day, so we can easily make contact with more people outside our closest family circles and spread some warmth and friendliness and cheer. I’m making my big list now. In 2016, which has been a tough year for a lot of people, here and around the world, it’s a good time to think beyond the usual things we do. How are the neighbours doing? The relatives we rarely see? The old folks who have trouble getting out? Friends we haven’t called for a while? Speaking of making contact, I want to thank you, dear readers, for your wonderful letters and emails. I love hearing from you, so keep them coming!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I and another couple have booked a hotel room where we’re going to our New Year’s Eve party. My best friend and I are kind of bi, and have played together a few times. Our fantasy is to get all four of us involved, or just the ones who want to be. It sounds fun to us, but today my guy said we need two rooms. What do you think? — Got Sexier Plans, Winnipeg

Dear Got Sexier Plans: Your boyfriend isn’t as dumb as you think, and guys have boundaries too. Maybe he doesn’t want a foursome, or to be involved with only your girlfriend or (scarier still) her boyfriend. Group sex is highly political and requires sensitivity and etiquette when there are couples involved. It can change relationships in an instant becaus it can create jealousy and insecurity. If your boyfriend wants to rent a second room, at least he has a place to sleep if you two disagree on your multi-partner fantasy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please print this on Dec. 24. The next day, I may be driving to my mom’s house empty handed for a big Christmas dinner. Times are tough just now, and we have agreed as a family we are not exchanging gifts that cost any money. We all contributed to a dinner fund which came out to almost $200, so it will be a feast for 17 with my mom and sisters at the helm. I still want to give my mother something as she’s been so wonderful to me — the worst problem son — over the years.

I have all day on the 24th to come up with something special that won’t cost me money. I know she would like something from the heart. I’m not musical like some of my siblings, who plan to sing and fiddle for her, and I can’t draw either. What do you suggest? — Want To Show My Love, Winnipeg

Dear Want To Show My Love: You can’t draw or dance, but that still leaves writing, and anybody can come up with a list of the wonderful things about somebody they love, such as your mom’s smile, the expression in her eyes, the warm hugs, the times she helped you out of scrapes, the way she make you feel, fun memories as a kid and her best qualities. Break a little piece off an evergreen tree, roll your paper with the list, tie it with a piece of colourful ribbon and attach the greenery. She’ll love it! Take it from a mom who always loved homemade presents.

If you have any photos of the two of you together attach one or two of those. That would be a sweet addition. And bring any family pictures you have for show-and-tell, and ask your siblings to do the same for a little photo party that sparks childhood memories.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Within sight of my parents’ front window is the house of my old girlfriend. We were so in love in high school, but her parents wanted us separated because we were from different religions, but we never stopped caring about each other. At least, I sure didn’t. She’s still my dream girl, the one that got away.

I heard from my mom, who knows her mom, that my old flame will be home for a whole week. We are in our late 20s now. I never married and she’s divorced. Is it playing with fire to go see her when she’s here? I don’t know if she has a new guy, but I don’t have anybody at the moment. We are older now and not so family-dominated. Maybe something could happen. What do you think? — Dreaming of Her, Winnipeg

Dear Dreaming of Her: You would be a fool not to go visit and say hi. If some boyfriend is lurking around the corner, it will be a short visit, but you can at least give your good wishes to her and her parents and siblings you must have known well at one time. You’ll get a kick of meeting the grown-up versions of those kids. Maybe it will be awkward, but maybe it will be great and spark something again. Love is where you find it, not where you’re supposed to find it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Hello! Here’s another suggestion for Guilty Dog Parents, who aren’t being allowed to bring their dog to the Christmas dinner where there are cats. They should consider a doggy daycare. There are several in the city that offer drop-in care. The dog is grouped with other dogs of the same size, they get attention from the staff, play with their new friends and go home happy and tired. They would have to call and make an appointment for an evaluation to make sure their dog is appropriate for the environment as these daycares have a no aggression policy.

Some are open 24/7 and are fully staffed at all times. They also offer boarding and grooming. Dogs need to have proof of vaccinations. — A Satisfied Dog Daycare Customer, Winnipeg

Dear Satisfied Dog Daycare Customer: Consider your helpful message passed on. Thanks for taking the time to write in with your advice.

And, by the way: thanks to everyone who writes in to help other people they don’t even know. That’s a beautiful thing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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