Grandma too busy to babysit

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This article was published 30/12/2016 (3563 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my grandchildren. I’m only 48 and see them a lot. My daughter has seen how connected I am to them and is dumping them on me as a free babysitter way too much, including dropping them off almost every day before supper.

Now I have a new, secret boyfriend and don’t want my daughter just stopping over to leave the kids any old time. Last night she tried to pull that before-dinner thing, and I was busy in the bedroom with my man. Luckily the lights were off, the chain locks were on and we didn’t answer the doorbell. She finally drove away. How much truth should I tell her about my life now? — Re-Activated Love Life, Selkirk

Dear Re-Activated Love Life: Tell your daughter you are seeing someone and you’re so sorry, but you can’t do as much babysitting. And when she does want you to babysit, she will have to phone ahead to arrange dates — there can be no last-minute dumping of the kids, unless it’s an emergency. Tell her she and the kids will only get introduced to your new boyfriend once you know for sure if he’s a keeper.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother doesn’t like my new wife. She liked my last wife, but sadly she died. Nothing can bring her back. I mourned her for four years and finally came back to full living when I met my new lady.

My mother got used to having me to herself when I was lonely and single, and she loved it. Now I spend a lot of my time with my new wife.

Mom phones all the time, whining, asking for me. My mom isn’t getting any younger and I do want to see her more often. How can I get these two to like each other and share me? — Torn Between Two, Fort Garry

Dear Torn Between Two: Make a standing date for dinner with your mother the same day every week and take her out to different restaurants around town. Other times, take her to a movie and a dessert place. Look up music concerts she’d like, too. Have fun with her. You can have an enviable relationship with your mom until she dies by making a big splash weekly without your mate along. Wifey gets you the other six days and she doesn’t necessarily need to have a big friendship with your mother.

That one night with Ma can be your wife’s night out with friends, or a day when she gets the house to herself for an evening or joins an activity of some kind. Every married woman needs a little privacy. And guaranteed privacy one day a week on a certain dependable day is even better because you can plan things alone on those days, such as facials and toenail-clipping sessions, watching your own movies or having friends over for cards and chatfests.

As for the rest of the week, call your mom a different day of the week just to say hello, and ask if she needs any help. You will get fewer whiny calls from her — and have better talks. As for getting your wife and mom together, in the meantime, make the group a few people larger, so it’s not just the three of you.

Also, try to get your mom being more sociable with other people. First get her on Facebook so she can connect with relatives and friends. Get her all set up with 45 friends and relatives, and help her to make a list of old pals to reconnect with from different times in her life. You can help her be more independent, happier and more likely to lighten up her feelings towards your new wife — the dastardly competition.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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