Questions about sexual history irk new boyfriend

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/06/2018 (3048 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend is a nurse and she asks a lot of health-related questions about my past sex life. My sex life was fast and furious, but she wouldn’t want to know that. I won’t go into details, but she wants to know what sex-related diseases I might have that she could get from me. Nothing that I know of, but she keeps prying.

I did have some problems with a girl a few years ago with “ping-pong vaginitis.” That’s what her doctor called it when we kept giving it back and forth. I told my new girlfriend about the vaginitis. Do I also have to tell her about my one mild case of critters many years go? They were gone after the medicinal shampoo treatment (for pubic lice) and never came back. Why should I tell her that? I’m not even sure I had to tell about the vaginitis thing?

What do you think? Is she nosy or what? What do you need to reveal about your past sex life to a new person anyway? I’m annoyed she’s asking me all these questions. Couldn’t I just have said, “Nothing going on these days that would hurt you.” I am too much of a pushover sometimes.

— Told Too Much? Fort Richmond

Dear Told Too Much: Your pubic lice are a thing of the past, so there’s no reason why you had to talk about that. Was the vaginitis that went back and forth truly finished before you broke up with that lady? If so, you really didn’t need to talk about that either. Something that remains below the surface and reoccurs, like herpes, would be a different problem. That kind of thing you should disclose. Some new couples get tested for sexually transmitted infections as a gift to each other. If they have perfect trust going forward, they can choose not to use condoms if they have other methods of contraception.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My fiancée is bugging me to tell her my number — of previous lovers. I don’t want to tell her because it’s pitiful. I was a shy guy coming out of high school and was a virgin until I was 23. Then this woman at university residence took pity on me and took me to her bed. She said I needed lessons and she had fun giving them to me. I will always be grateful to her. Because of her, this woman who fell in love with me has no idea she is only No. 2 on my list.

Now I’m a grad student. I pretend there are a lot more sex partners in my past and I’m just too polite to brag about them. My fiancée’s number is five, not too many and not too few, I’d say, in this day and age. She is very skilled at sex.

I wonder if I should get some sex books online and study them. I hear you can get them delivered to your door. I’d feel like a jerk having to buy how-to books at a store.

— Shy Guy, University of Manitoba

Dear Shy Guy: An easy alternative is to buy books at a sex shop. Nobody’s going to think twice about your titles and they’ll just wrap things up and send you on your way, unembarrassed and happy. Staff may congratulate you on your choice of books and suggest others, as they have probably read them all themselves.

Big bookstores also carry books on sex and the cashiers are too busy to care about the names of your books, especially if you go when it’s busy and there’s a lineup. They have been trained not to embarrass people about their book choices and want to sell as many books as possible for the good of the store. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography