Don’t let affair ruin office picnic

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/06/2018 (3049 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We have been invited to the company’s summer picnic and I know my husband’s ex-affair hussy from work will be there. No doubt about it, because she likes to make a scene. I think that witch should stay home!

Shame on her for trying to steal my husband and break up our home! After my husband got caught and we had counselling, he gave me a beautiful new big diamond wedding ring and we renewed our vows and things have never been better.

This woman has no man and no home. She has never been able to keep a man long enough. Part of me doesn’t want to go, and part of me wants to go there and shove her in the river. The last thing I want to do is go and look like the obedient, submissive, boring wife she seems to think I am. What do you suggest?

— Never Losing To Her Again, Southdale

Dear Never: Be the winner in every way. Go to the picnic and dress in your sexiest outfit. Shine up the big diamond ring. Play the part of the woman who has never been happier. Be openly affectionate with your husband. Stick with him, and don’t plan to go for the whole picnic. Go for a romantic dinner later.

With any luck, the woman will slink away — or not show up at all. She may even have moved on to another office guy by now.

If she does have the nerve to approach your husband, that’s your cue to magically appear at his side. Look at her as one might look at a worm, and say to your husband, “Let’s go, darlin’, we’re late for our dinner reservation,” and sail away happily, arm-in-arm. Don’t dignify her attention with a single word.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We were enjoying a walk in a remote dog park with our grandchildren when we came upon two dogs who were joyfully mating, and then proceeded to get stuck. Our grandchild kept pointing and yelling, “Tuck! Tuck! meaning “Stuck! Stuck!”

My husband said, “Oh they’ll be fine in a minute,” and whisked us all out of there. But, in the car on the way home our grandson was still worried and saying, “Tuck!” This seemed too difficult to address, so we took him home to his parents. Our son-in-law came home from golf and heard the problem. He walked over to his son with two plastic glasses. He put one on top of the other, and then pulled one off the other, a few times in a row. His dad said, “See, no problem!” and the little one grinned and repeated, “Thee? No pwoblem!” I thank God every day for the smart man who married my daughter.

— Problem Solved By Hero, Silver Heights

Dear Problem Solved: For little people, questions don’t have to be answered in a perfectly technical way.

Your grandson’s dad addressed his son’s worry by illustrating the unstuck idea and showing it was nothing to worry about. You don’t have to get all serious and complicated at these young ages.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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